Hall of Fame
Looking for a tear jerker this Holiday Season? Look no further than 1998's Jack Frost. Check it - Michael Keaton is this Jazz Musician/Cool Dad named Jack Frost that totally drives off a cliff on Christmas Eve. I know what you're thinking, shit that sounds like a depressing movie. Not so fast. Turns out, his son builds a snowman one day, and the snowman turns into Michael Keaton's ghost. Jack Frost the snowman helps his loser son own in a snowball fight and gain mediocre hockey skills. Just don't bring him inside or he'll melt!!
If you're anything like me you've probably thought, 'damn, I wish there was a holiday comedy where Danny DeVito and Ferris Bueller fight over who's Christmas decorations are better'. Well, back in 2006, those wishes were answered. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you might even get hard (If you're into Asians - SuChin Pak is lookin like a BABE!).
The Home Alone movie franchise will be totally fine without Macaulay Culkin, right? And, ahh, literally the rest of the cast, too? Yep. We'll be good. Like the tagline said, there's a new kid on the block. He's the bowl cut queer from that one movie. And we're going to throw North Korean terrorists in on the movie plot, too. Happy Holidays!
Nothing says Merry Christmas like heroin and kidnappings. White chocolate badboy Ice T kills it in this holiday flick of the urban variety. You might also recognize Drea de Matteo from The Sopranos, or not. Either way, this one's a must see for those who like their holiday movies rated R.
Ben Affleck probably should've peaced on the holiday movie making game after Reindeer Games pulled a box office Hiroshima, but he decided to give er another go with 2004's Surviving Christmas. And get this, Ben plays an annoying millionaire yuppie who pays people to spend Christmas with him. Damn, bro, sick acting range! James Gandolfini spends the rest of the movie trying to beat his face in with a shovel. Definitely worth a drive to Blockbuster.
The Governator's finest film performance if I do say so myself. This film teaches us the true meaning of Christmas. Which, of course, is - Christmas is about going on a wild goose chase against Sinbad to find your son a sickass action figure. What is the more subtle moral of this story, you ask? Fathers out there - don't miss your son's karate showcase. They'll be PISSED.
When I envision Santa up in the North Pole I immediately picture a fat bearded dude who eats cookies n shit. Well in 1996 Hollywood broke that mold. They called up Hulk Hogan, jammed him in a Santa suit and boom - Santa With Muscles. Clever title, huh? Hulk Hogan plays a criminal who gets hit on the head and wakes up thinking he is the real Santa Claus. What a holiday pairing for the ages - Santa and the WWE. Luckily for us, it wasn't the first time and it definitely wasn't the last (ehhm - Goldberg). WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR CHRISTMAS, BROTHERRR??
Only reason why this one is on the list is because it is loosely based on A Christmas Carol. Also because Chris Farley's brother Kevin is the main character. Dude seriously looks like the fuck-child of Michael Moore and Chris Farley. Unfortunately dis bitch is set around the Fourth Of July. Either way, its way better than New Years Eve.
Christmas horror movies are like the girly-dudes in middle school gym class. When you step back and really take a look at what they're trying to do, its absolutely hilarious. Here's the plot on this gem - some dude witnesses his parents get raped and murdered by a guy in a Santa suit, so naturally when he gets older he picks a Santy Claus suit up and starts murderin bitches. So pour a cup of eggnog, nestle up by the fire and pop in this classic.
WWE's Goldberg stars as Santa in our #1 B-List holiday movie. And let me tell you, Santa's spreading holiday FEAR this year. Guarentee you the writers of this movie were like, "Yo Goldberg, wanna be in a movie about Santa murdering people?" and Goldberg was like, "Fuck Yeh!" Here's a simplified version of the plot - Santa is the son of Satan, and the anti-Christ. But, he lost a curling match to an angel and had to deliver presents for 1000 years. Well, those 1000 years are up, so he gets to murder people instead. Yep. That's the plot. So, you're an idiot if you DON'T go immediately purchase this on DVD.