1. To Fix the Nation's Budget
"This country's fucked."
-President Obama, yesterday, the day before, whatever (It doesn't matter when you're reading this, that statement holds true forever)
The country needs some cash. Fast. How are they gonna do that, you ask? Job creation? Oh, I'm sorry I didn't realize you were retarded. Obviously, we all already have jobs - where else are we sitting around streaming reruns of Newsradio and Woody Allen movies that aren't Annie Hall? So maybe Netflix is in cahoots with the government and this is step one to fixing our nation. Look, there are roughly 25 million Netflix subscribers. Let me crunch some numbers here - excuse me while I take out my abacus - that's $1.8 Billion we can put toward the economy.
While this may not be a likely theory, it actually makes a lot of sense. And clearly, I should be running this country. First order of business: more Cool Ranch Doritos in the White House snack room. And a free Netflix account.
2. Actually Just an Attempt to Get Back That One DVD That's Been Sitting on Your Coffee Table for Two Years
In all seriousness, this seems the most probable. And a genius move on Netflix's part. Well played. It all makes sense; they're likely out of DVDs, having shipped them off to subscribers who think they want to watch a documentary on The Lord's Resistance Army in Uganda, but realize that no good can come of watching that and if anything it will just make them depressed.
Anyway the gut reaction of many customers to the price hike was the cancel their subscription, which would require them to send back any unwatched DVDs. Essentially, Netflix is doing some inventory here. Get all their supplies in order and then reopen for business at their regular price. It's like when you realize you can't find your Camp Nowhere DVD but don't know who you lent it to, so you email all your friends saying they're cut off until everyone returns what they've borrowed.
It's just like that.
3. That's How Much It Costs to Get "The Wire" Available for Streaming
Sure? Maybe? Let's hope so.
4. It Costs 6 Dollars to Keep Your Queue Accurate
This one's a little far-fetched, but I have a feeling that there's some asshole in the Netflix office who likes fucking with people's queues. I have no proof, granted, but I also have no recollection of adding Pay it Forward to the top of my queue. I mean, I'll watch it because it exists and that's sort of Netflix's lifeblood (watching everything you're not dying to see, but would because it's there). But I certainly did not add it, myself. Connect the dots and there's someone who needs to get paid off. I bet his name is Jaime. And he's a dick. Six bucks a month oughta do it.
5. They Felt it Was Reasonable to Ask For 6 More Dollars For EVERY MOVIE EVER
Maybe, just maybe, Netflix thought it was reasonable to ask you to fork over the cost of a turkey sandwich at Subway (inexcusably not offered as part of the $5 footlong deal), for every movie ever made.
Listen, if you can't afford six more dollars what ultimately is a luxury service, that's fine. But then perhaps you should be rethinking your priorities. Maybe watching three seasons of Veronica Mars in what you will eventually deem the best weekend of your life should take a backseat to say, feeding your family with turkey sandwiches from Subway.
Added almost 2 years ago
1647 funny votes
662 die votes
Patience is overrated...
Patience is overrated...
- Gabriela Figueroa Pinto it might be your fault, see #2! hahaha
- love it. there's another great Netflix zing on buzzfeed check it out, so funny: http://www.buzzfeed.com/talib/ziiiiing-netflix-ei1
- #3!!! Seriously!
- Not very funny. And the truth is probably as simple as they're capitalist greedy pigs.
- NetFlix is still the best deal going for anything!
- I bet his name is Jaime. And he's a dick. Six bucks a month oughta do it.
- lol Love it!
- I am cancelling. I think there will be more options soon and the service has been going downhill. Forget about getting new releases for a month or more. Asking more money in this economy.. even if I was sill happy I would hope I protest the spirit of the idea.
- This is a real issue! Don't play with my $9.99 service... Why should i pay more? We should be priced locked..... And new customers pay that new pricing
- netflix sucks.... After having to wait 5 months for a copy of a new release,( even tho I had reserved it a month b4 it came out) I called customer support and asked WTF... I was actually told by one of their reps, "Netflix isn't a good place to rent new releases, it's more for people who like older movies. If you want a new release go somewhere else or buy it." Plus Redbox is way better then netflix, I rent 1 movie for $1, watch it, then drop it off the next day, and thats it..
- kudos...i like the way u think...pretty certain they could just chalk it up to "fuel surcharges"...hm?
- It's still cheap as hell.
- It's not a matter of missing one or two Latte's a month. Some people have budgets they like to adhere to.
- why not just look up the reason instead of speculating its not all their choice screw forums look up the facts its not hard you have the internet i see
- I canceled a while back.. they pissed me off! I had an unexpected charge on my debt card that caused my netflix payment to have insufficient funds... that was fine, what ever, I turned it back on a few weeks latter, after a week of having it back on, they turned it off again for non payment... I paid for a whole month but they said to bad, your account is month to month and Ill have to pay for another month if I want it back on. even the manager I talked to was a total Dick to me. SCREW NETFLIX!!
- Netflix sucks.
- i immediatly cancelled my account
- See the Louis CK bit "Everything's amazing, nobody's happy." - You have a service that allows you to watch millions of tv shows and movies just by clicking a few buttons, and the entire thing costs you about as much as 4 or 5 new releases a month from Family Video. All this and they even send it directly to your tv, so you don't even have to clean the pringles crumbs off of your belly and get up to go to the movie store. If it breaks your budget, then set new priorities. Because of Netflix, I cancelled my cable account, and no longer have a $90 a month bill, but I still get to watch a movie whenever I feel like it. How exactly does that "suck"?
- 1 dvd anytime @ $7.99 = Lose(it's not really unlimited, you can only get up to 12 dvd's per month,that is if they actually have it), Unlimited streaming for $7.99 = Lose (not enough good contents, specially there is no just to dvd streaming) Netflix does not have everything that's ever been made on dvd or streaming. Look up "The Great Dictator". They have a "Save option, not a stream or dvd.
- ya its bull shit. i will not be paying the extra money
- I love that you used Veronica Mars as an example lawl <3
- Kyle, I agree fully..Funny that even with entertainment, When the shit hits the fan the customer takes the short stick, Or none at all
- How bout we keep the prices low till we put Hollywood Video and Blockbuster out of business and then jack up the prices after people have no choice.
- It's 6 dollars. Clean out your vaginas and stop your bitching.