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As Commissioner of the NHL, Day 1, you’ll be in charge of restoring faith in the millions of fans cast away by the former regime headed by, Gary Bettman. We’ve had a bumpy last ten years, two lockouts, declining fan base, poor management and a former leader that only identifies with one piece of the NHL business as a whole – the owners. It’s paramount to our mutual success that the candidate understand each entity, owners, players and fans have a stake in the game. There isn’t one more important than the other – simply, we don’t care if the chicken, the egg or the omelette came first – we all still want to the see the game played. Lockouts, work stoppages and touching the Stanley Cup... more »
Published December 18, 2012 More Info »
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Published December 18, 2012


pro_337_2.jpgYou should be willing to sign a 1 year contract similar to Gordie Howe’s rookie deal – $4000 per month + a team jacket of your choice. Should you be able to restore the NHL to regular play for one full season, we will pay you the remainder of the $7.98 MM dollars we pay Gary Bettman to run the NHL into the ground



  • Should be tall enough to ride a roller coaster
  • Must have played in a hockey game (bubble hockey counts) at least once
  • Can only wear garters on the ice – not to meetings or the grocery store
  • Be able to spell “Public Relations”
  • Must not have a law degree or any prior union negotiation experience.
  • Must not induce vomiting when speaking to fans – or force religious Canadians to cover their children’s eyes in fear of them seeing the anti- Christ
  • Must not have bulging eyes due to high blood pressure induced by the guilt of locking out the NHL twice
  • Know not to touch the Stanley Cup ever – even when playing “Raiders of the Lost Ark” with your imaginary friends
  • Should be proficient at organizing angry – hockey deprived mobs for the purpose of a coup – or pick up game
  • Should know through experience when skating head on into a solid wall – injuries can occur. Even though really fun to watch on tv
  • Should know that Roots makes t shirts and hoodies but isn’t the band on Jimmy Fallon.
  • NHL stands for the National Hockey League not the “No Hockey League” no hockey – none of the time