You should be willing to sign a 1 year contract similar to Gordie Howe’s rookie deal – $4000 per month + a team jacket of your choice. Should you be able to restore the NHL to regular play for one full season, we will pay you the remainder of the $7.98 MM dollars we pay Gary Bettman to run the NHL into the ground
- Should be tall enough to ride a roller coaster
- Must have played in a hockey game (bubble hockey counts) at least once
- Can only wear garters on the ice – not to meetings or the grocery store
- Be able to spell “Public Relations”
- Must not have a law degree or any prior union negotiation experience.
- Must not induce vomiting when speaking to fans – or force religious Canadians to cover their children’s eyes in fear of them seeing the anti- Christ
- Must not have bulging eyes due to high blood pressure induced by the guilt of locking out the NHL twice
- Know not to touch the Stanley Cup ever – even when playing “Raiders of the Lost Ark” with your imaginary friends
- Should be proficient at organizing angry – hockey deprived mobs for the purpose of a coup – or pick up game
- Should know through experience when skating head on into a solid wall – injuries can occur. Even though really fun to watch on tv
- Should know that Roots makes t shirts and hoodies but isn’t the band on Jimmy Fallon.
- NHL stands for the National Hockey League not the “No Hockey League” no hockey – none of the time