If you worked in a regular hospital, you’d have access to all the sick-people-appropriate food you could eat and/or steal, mostly various broths, as well as puddings and off-brand cherry gelatin cups. Nobody likes broth, and any more than two off-brand cherry gelatin cups in a week or more makes a person feel queasy. However, you go work in an animal hospital, problem solved. Dogs and cats and parrots don’t eat pudding and gelatin, but they do have to take medicine, which is notoriously hard to feed a pet. Fortunately, many of today’s top-shelf pet medicines come in animal-friendly, easy to administer forms, such as beef-flavored medicine paste, and peanut butter-flavored medicine paste, so if you work in an animal hospital, free beef and PB paste, and it’s not going to do anything to you, because you’re a human and don’t have parvovirus.
The many, many surgeries and medical procedures performed in an animal hospital each day result in many, many dogs in recovery. Now, dogs don’t have the impulse control required to not chew at their stitches—really, it’s their instinct to want to remove foreign bodies—and also dog stitches are the most delicious things to dogs apart from their own genitals. Thusly, veterinarians have to fit post-op dogs with collars which inhibit their ability to chew at their own stitches. And while it’s true that dogs don’t really feel embarrassment, all dogs in anti-chew collars sport a sheepish, embarrassed facial expression that is just plain hilarious. Work in an animal hospital, and you get to laugh at these dogs every single day.
Because you don’t want to get any scared-dog pee or an amount of beyond what is normal cat vomit on your sweet Dockers and rugby shirt, animal hospitals are positively rich with those baggy, washable, muted-pastel scrub outfits. They have to have them around, because they help reduce the spread of germs, too. What’s great about them is that they make everybody who wears them look like a people doctor or animal doctor, even if you aren’t either. Also, they are very comfortable, and very forgiving in “problem areas” (i.e. your big fat gut). Scrubs are great! (Note: this does not apply if you have an unwavering hatred of Zach Braff sitcoms or are in TLC.)
Which you can stand on and pretend you’re a giant.
Animals make great friends – they’re really good listeners, they don’t judge, and they like to snuggle. Animal hospitals are full of animals, often in pat carriers or sleepy from surgery, so it’s the perfect time and place to make a new friend for the socially awkward or human-phobic individual.
Most animal hospitals offer their employees free or reduced-cost pet health insurance, which is otherwise prohibitively expensive. This is a great thing to opt into if you’ve got pets, especially older pets, as vet visits, medicines, and surgery costs can add up. It’s a huge win to get low-cost medical care for your pet, or, with an array of clever by elaborate and incredibly warm and furry disguises and whiskers made of face-paint, you.
Sponsored by NBC's Animal Pratice.