1. NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP
The facebook woman who has had too much wine tonight feeling whimsically nostalgic and decides to post 15 music videos from youtube within one hours time frame into your feed. Oh yes...she is going to take you down her memory lane high school glory days addition whether you don't like it or don't. Each share/post with her saying things like "just one more"..."last one tonight"...complete with grammatical errors that escalate with each sip of box wine.
2. FRAGILE ROCK
The user who says gee "friend"...I would do you a solid and click like or comment on your status update/post but my relationship with my significant other is so fragile that if they see this they may mistake my comment regarding your casserole photo as reckless flirting. The person who is afraid to comment on anything because they think they are going to lose their job also falls into this company.
3. COPY AND PASTE FOR ONE HOUR
It's the "I am going to shame you with guilt..if you have a beating heart in your chest you will copy and paste this "cause" into your status bar for one hour post. My neighbor has "insert issue" here problem going on today so copy and paste this in your status bar for one hour if you too know someone with said problem. No...No I will not...but I do have some paste for you.
4. I AM WELL RED
If the ONLY status updates you post are tired old quotes from famous people...then perhaps you should share an original thought every once and a while that came from you own mind. I accepted YOUR friend request...I want to hear your thoughts...not something Sisqo said 10 years ago.
5. HOT MESS
Everyone likes the hot girl...alll they have to do is show up. It doesn't matter what kind of drivel they are selling you today in your feed. Content is irrelevant...they are going to get a rack of likes and positive comments from people....they are the hot popular girl. Yep...you love her vacation photos of her in her bikini...and her teenage daughter isn't looking to shabby either.
6. BAIT SOLD HERE
The ever popular bait status update. Status updates that only say things like "I shouldn't have done that last night"....bait bait bait....will someone bite?...f*ck no!...not this fish...I am moving downstream thanks.
7. SCRATCH THIS
It's the I will scratch your back...but ONLY if you scratch mine FIRST person. This person ONLY comments or clicks like on your content if you like their stuff FIRST. This person wouldn't reach out to you first on facebook even if you had a family member die and your house burnt down in the same day. You play to them....they don't play to you.
Their is a rat in the shadows. The lurker stalker type with the continuous green light in the right hand margin for hours at a time during the day but who hasen't spoken their mind and written a single status update or posted anything in sixteen months. What is going on is those shadows?
9. PEER PRESSURE
The user who was unwillingly pressured into creating a facebook account by friends or coworkers....they don't contribute sh*t and their profile sits in a zombie holding pattern month after month year after year while they wonder why people don't talk to them on this facebook thing...and you wonder why in the world did I friend this zombie?
If all your status updates are only about your kids stuffed up nose or the silly thing your cat did this morning..then you need to get out more often and experience something out of the norm...then share it with the rest of us...we will all be better off. For f*ck's sake..enlighten us!...everyone has something interesting to offer...find it!