Hall of Fame
Then: Howard Langston (Arnold Schwarzenegger), a workaholic father, fights Myron Larabee (Sinbad) to get a Turbo Man action figure for his son during a last minute Christmas shopping spree.
Now: Howard orders Turbo-Man on Amazon Prime and learns nothing.
Then: When Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) accidentally kills Santa on Christmas Eve, he finds himself transformed into Father Christmas.
Now: Scott never gains any weight due to his gluten-free lifestyle. 55 minutes into the movie, he freezes to death in the North Pole.
Now: Nine-year-old Ralphie Parker wants only one thing for Christmas: Call of Duty: Ghosts. While putting it into the Xbox for the first time, he slices his eye open with the disk and bleeds out.
Then: Eight couples in London experience the many flavors of love.
Now: One of the men sends a dick pic instead. No wait — all of them do. They all send dick pics.
Then: When a department store Santa claims he is the real thing, he’s thrust into a court case to determine his sanity, and finds in six-year-old Susan the greatest gift of all: friendship.
Now: Two minutes into the movie, Santa gets run over by a tourist on a Citibike.
Then: George Bailey (Jimmy Stewart), a frustrated businessman on the verge of suicide, sees how different life in his small town would be had he never been born.
Now: George Bailey, a freelance app designer on the verge of suicide, sees how exactly the same life in his small town would be had he never been born.
Then: Ebenezer Scrooge, a Victorian era money-grubber, embarks on a voyage of self-redemption, courtesy of a few strange Christmas ghosts.
Now: Scrooge loses his entire fortune when the bitcoin market crashes. He becomes homeless and takes a lot of dick pics.
Now: Kevin texts a picture of the burglars to his elderly neighbor, who shoots them dead — a legal act under Illinois' "Stand Your Ground"-esque law.
Now: Charlie Brown, medicated out of his depression, pays no attention as the lopsided, genetically modified tree crushes Snoopy.
Now: The Grinch accidentally tweets a picture of his stump at the mayor. Anarchy erupts in Whoville.