Hall of Fame
Whatâs intriguing about the stories J.K. Rowling has created
is that they take place in our world, with all the same history and world
events. The books even reference Playstation at one point. Harryâs adventures
just occur in a parallel society that is well hidden from us muggles, so we
never see any of it. But there are a few things about this alternate story
universe that were never quite explained. Theyâre not necessarily plot holes,
just details I think I would have liked to understand before Rowling jumped
And itâs because of the fact that she left these questions unanswered that I am forced to assume itâs only because their answers are darker and more ungodly than most readers could handle.
Now Iâm not saying that the people who were killed deserved to die, but when performing witchcraft is punishable by death in your town, I donât know, maybe donât fucking do it? I know for you wizards and witches itâs considered âbeneath youâ to have to chop your own firewood with your hands when you could just wave a wand and have that shit done before you can say âhail Satan,â but for the sake of, you know, living, Iâd say itâs best to show some humility and pick up the hatchet, jackass.
So, Wizards and Witches, whyâ¦ the fuckâ¦ didnât you do anything to stop this? Someone might argue that the wizarding community just didnât know as they barely even understand simple muggle things like cars and rubber ducks (a running joke in whole book series). To that I call bullshit, because even if the wizards in say, Poland, didnât notice that half of their country was on fire, and that they suddenly had a harder time finding a good matzo balls in 1940, a lot of witches and wizards are born to muggle parents. That means they got a firsthand look into muggle goings-ons, a.k.a World War Fucking Two.
You might also say that the wizards didnât intervene because
it would expose their world to the muggles. 60 Million people dead and thatâs
your best excuse? On the contrary you might say that they actually DID
intervene, but they used magic to keep it a secret. If thatâs the case then
they did an absolute shit job, because again I emphasize: 60 million people
You Know What I Think?
Wizards and witches are assholes, let the whole thing happen
for their amusement, and most of them still laugh when they watch Schindlerâs List.
You knew it would come to this. It was always going to. In our world, if a person has sex with a creature of another species, thatâs considered about 8 different kinds of fucked up. Bestiality is just a nauseating thing in itself to think about, and is so utterly looked down upon that we sometimes use it as a basis for profanity.
So in the HPW, thatâs just considered okay? No one has a problem with this? To be fair, it is mentioned that Hagrid isnât necessarily welcome amongst the Giant community for being a half-breed, but that stems more from their prejudice against his human side as opposed to acknowledgement of the gross fact that heâs the result of all kinds of sloppy wet inter-species humping.
You Know What I Think?
The Wizards, Witches, and Magical Creatures in the HPW are some kinky motherfuckers that dwarf (see what I did there?) any type of perversions that we pitiful muggles could ever come up with in the sticky dark reaches of our most depraved sexual fantasies. And this is the SOLE reason why I must meet Emma Watson before I die.