or
It's a tough economy out there and getting a job isn't easy. After this, however, you will own the world.
Published September 08, 2011 More Info ยป
11 Funny Votes
3 Die Votes
137 Views
Published September 08, 2011

So the year is 2011 and it seems as if places aren't hiring. But this is far from the truth. Companies are hiring but they are not hiring people for the normal qualities as before. With over 6 billion people in the world, they want to find only the ones that stand out.

Punctuality

Whenever you are preparing for an interview, everyone always tells you 'don't be late, get there about 15 minutes early.' Sure, that was true in the past, but now, you're simply just doing what everyone else is going to do. If you want to stand out, get there about 20-30 minutes late. They will certainly remember you.

Attire

Business suits are for yuppie WASP assholes and politicians so unless that's the image you are going for, stay away from the dreaded suit. Instead, wear something that you are more comfortable in, whether it's a nice pair of slacks and a Hawaiian t-shirt or just a bathing suit. The interview is about you, so dress as yourself.

Resume

Companies are used to bland, boring resumes with the typical cliche awards and achievements. We live in a society that honors kids with trophies for coming in last place and frankly, people are getting a little sick of it. Talk about something outside your realm of school and work accomplishments. List the things that people might find interesting. I can hold my breath underwater for about 6 minutes. Don't think I haven't put that at the top of my resume. In bold. Underlined.

Tag Team It

I never show up to an interview without a friend. I always feel so much more 'at home' when i have one of my pals by my side. Have you ever noticed that you are always funnier when you are around people that you know? The same applies here. You'll feel more comfortable answering questions and you'll even turn a stressful interview into a laid-back hangout. Also, you have a walking, talking testimonial to vouch for you. Make sure it's someone that has your back just in case things get a little hairy.

The 'Walk-Away'

Halfway through the interview, stand up and just walk out. Maybe even grab something from the interviewer's desk like a pencil or stapler. Show them that you are in charge. People always want what they think they can't have. If you make yourself seem unattainable, they will do everything in their power to get you on their team. The 'walk-away' coupled with a middle finger over the shoulder is a guaranteed method to landing the job of your dreams.
Advertisement
Advertisement

From Around the Web

More