Sam Witwicky changed how we thought about how awesome we could become if we could only go to a used car lot and buy a super advanced robot disguised as a 1976 beat on Camaro. Except he was the worst choice to have this destiny... here's a shortened list of some of the reasons why he sucked.

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Stats & Data

January 04, 2012

And the list begins...

1.  He constantly kicks the crap out of his car.  Bumblebee takes quite a beating from both friend and foe, Sam, however, takes it to another level and kicks the crap out of his own guardian in front of sexy women.

2.  He hates his dog, he loves his dog.  He gives the dog drugs, he lets his mom dress the dog in 'bling' and then tells his mom, that "he has enough self esteem issues as it is, he a chihuahua" Then why did you get the damn rat-dog?   

3.  He can't make up his mind.  First movie, I get.  You just meet the alien race of awesome powerful super advanced Japanese robots, and one is YOUR car, (as JM says in #3.. "WTF to that?").  Second movie, he dumps the Autobots and wants to be normal, and says freshman can't have cars? What Commie school are you attending? Also, pissed at Optimus Prime for pulling him away from lame ass frat party, where super hot diesel tasting hottie (yes, I used that again), to tell him they need help, which, ya know, couldn't really be a big deal right? Third movie, gets out of college, and is pissed because the world doesn't give a shit about him, and he say he just wants to matter again and be with the Autobots.....

4.  Back to the college thing.  His freshman year he gets pulled out to save the world, in which the Decepticons reveal themselves to the world, making it official that we could begin making political claims on other planets.  So what, there wasn't an 'Autobot' degree to obtain?  I mean there at least would have been one online.  AND that would've solved his post-college depression about becoming a mail-boy.

5.  He has no family values.  He always tried to keep his parents in the dark, even though his brownie eating mom would've probably have been fine with it.  


Part 2

6. More on family values.  In the first movie, when we meet Sam, he's attempting to sell off his great-great Grandfathers priceless nautical tools (they should be in a Museum).   I mean $40 for the glasses? Imagine if he had sold those to one of those students... they might have had to kill him and take them back. He should've sole them.

7.  He lied about the 'car fund.'    He told his classmates that he was putting the money towards his car fund, yet immediately after class, he runs out to his dad, super excited that he got an A- to be able to get the car. And they proceeded to go to 'Uncle Bobby Bolivia' (RIP Bernie Mac), and purchase Bumblebee. So that would mean that he already had the money to buy a car, and really just needed a grade.  Later, he does say that he "needed money to take out the girl" but seriously? What is $40 gonna buy you and Megan Fox out on a date?  hmmm....

8.   He's scared shitless when he doesn't have any control.  Even getting attacked by the little weird Decepticon (Frenzy), he's screaming and yelling "He's gonna kill me" and running in terror, only then does the bad ass hottie come in with the electric hack saw and decapitate him.  And then how does he respond...  with a corny stupid line, and kicks the head right next to Megan Fox's cell phone, which later comes back to bite him in the ass.

9.  He thought "more than meets the eye" was a stupid line.  Nuff said.

10.  He still thinks Bumblebee is worth $4000.