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Remember the good ol' days when you could talk to somebody on the phone completely naked while reading a magazine and the person on the other end had no idea? Well the rise of video calling means those days are numbered. Get your stealthy naked time in while you can because with video calling, you can actually see the person you're talking to and, more importantly, you can see what they're doing. That's not always a good thing. Just like any new technology, people seem to have no idea how to behave on video. It's like they've completely forgotten how to hold a normal conversation. Skype may be great for cross-country grandparents to see their new grandbabies, but video call newbies... more »
Published September 25, 2012 More Info »

The Eater

It's bad enough to hear somebody eating while you're on the phone. It's a thousand times worse when you have to watch them eat. Put the sandwich down, lady. We're having a conversation and this isn't a restaurant. How did you possibly get so much parsley in your teeth?

The Nudist


A weird thing happens to some people on video calls. They think that just because there's a computer between them and you, it's acceptable to log on topless. It's not. If you're friends, it's never okay. If you're dating, they need to ask permission. If you're related, they need to see a therapist immediately.

The Man In The Mirror


This guy is so enthralled by his own image in the corner of the screen that he forgets he's even talking to you. Dude. Are you trying to decide which side is your good side? It's a webcam, not a mirror. Forget about how you look and focus on the fact that you're having a conversation with someone. Sheesh.

The Ditcher


The Ditcher can't go thirty seconds without saying their favorite phrase: “I'll be right back.” They always have something to do while they're talking to you. The Ditcher doesn't want to have a conversation. They just want someone to entertain them when they're not doing something else. Jerk.

The Close-Up

This guy's the opposite of The Man in the Mirror. He has no idea that he's sitting wayyyy too close to the camera. Your weird uncle usually ends up being The Close-Up, but then again, why are you video chatting with your weird uncle in the first place? Keep it to IM with Uncle Ernie and you'll be much better off.

The Mover

Friends don't let friends video call and move. The Mover cannot sit still. They bounce from room to room and you're along for the ride, which means a pretty serious case of Skype-induced vertigo. The Mover has ADD, Restless Leg Syndrome, and any other condition that makes it impossible for them to sit in one place for longer than a minute. Tell them to take a Ritalin before you lose your lunch.

The Workaholic

You're trying to tell them about the crazy clown that made you a balloon kangaroo but all they care about is checking their email. The worst part is, you can tell they're doing it. Their eyes are darting back and forth instead of looking at you in the video screen. The Workaholic may have gotten away with this before video calling, but now they're just being a bad chatter. At least he's wearing a shirt.

The Pet Ventriloquist

The worst of all video call offenders. Not only do they hijack the conversation, they're not even really talking to you. They're pretending that their stupid cat is talking to you. No, I don't have any milk. Yes, I saw how clean your litterbox is. Look, friend-o, this whole thing is pretty messed up so put the cat down and let's try to talk like two normal people. Is that too much to ask? Yes. Apparently it is.

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