The First Friend You Make During Orientation
So your RA, who claims she "likes to party as much as you" and "isn't here to ruin your fun," has lined everyone up according to their birthdays because obviously that's how you get to know people. You strike up a conversation with the person who's also born in February. Enjoy that conversation with your new best friend, as they'll only be your best friend until Thursday when you meet someone who shares an affinity toward Bob Marley greatest hits albums*. You are not best friends with this person. You will not be best friends with the Bob Marley fan.
*Sidenote: Don't let anyone tell you Bob Marley's "Legend" is one of the greatest albums of all time. It is a collection. It's like saying the best variety of Chex is Chex Mix. Sorry if that analogy is too good.
The Guy Who Knows Where The Off-Campus Parties Are
During your junior year, a frat will throw a beach themed party in which everyone will be hammered and making out while wearing next to nothing, and the first thought that will enter your now-jaded mind will be "I bet it will be crowded and I'll sweat a lot." Then you will go to an off-campus party where you'll sit on a couch, eating frozen pizza and talking about how great it was when you went to beach-themed parties just two years earlier. In the corner, there will be two guys. One will say to the other "Sorry, I thought hanging out at an upperclassman, off-campus party would be cooler. Sorry we didn't go to Beachcombers Blast." Those two people will never hang out again.
The "Funniest Person You Ever Met"
You as a Freshman: "Oh my God he does Bill Cosby impressions!"
You as a Sophomore: "Oh my God he does Bill Cosby impressions."
Notice the difference? You will.
I'm not saying you won't reconnect later in college, but there's a good chance that despite attending every party with this person during the first week, your friendship will not rise above any of the following issues (which are bound to come up):
- They have a different sleep schedule than you
- They're ALWAYS in the room
- They had sex while you were in the room and they thought you were sleeping
- You had revenge sex while you thought they were sleeping
- You walked in on them having sex with themselves
- They love Swingers just a bit too much
- They drank your beer and assured you they're "good for it"
- They shed on your stuff.
- They're too messy
- They're too clean
- They told the guy across the hall that YOU are the one who's too messy/clean
All That Saidâ¦
That first week will undoubtedly be the best week of your life. Enjoy.
- True story.... LOL
- "They had sex while you were in the room and they thought you were sleeping" LMAO
- Love the Stevie Ray Vaughn line. Made me LOL.
- This is what I do and it always helps me make some friends http://howtofixstuff.blogspot.com/2012/02/how-to-make-friends.html
- this is pretty spot on.
- The only time that college sounds fun is in movies or tv. When you actually ask a college student they will make you realize that college is kinda depressing and way stressful..
- Mike Urban - FIVE years in Jordan house at U of OK - FIVE - ' creepy older guy ' FIVE - The guy had an entire lounge like the 'Tonight Show' set up with giant potted bromilade plants to the cieling !
- LOL with this "They're too messy They're too clean They told the guy across the hall that YOU are the one who's too messy/clean" I suppose we cannot escape from that xD