A sarcastic view at 10 of the worst things a woman can do on a first date.

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October 03, 2011

10 Tips For A Woman On The First Date

1.  Drink, Drink, & Drink Some More  
  Guys don’t want a party pooper, so make sure you have a couple shots beforehand and out drink the guy on the date.  Who cares if you end up blacking out?  You don't need to remember how awesome the date was. Just know that it will be awesome. 

2.  As Tall Or Taller than The Guy?  Wear High Heels  
  As everyone knows your date doesn't want to be shorter than you, so put on those 6 inch heels which you can barely walk in.  The truth is that guys just feel more manly when they are with a girl that is taller than them.

3.  Be Late  
  You don’t want to show that you are too eager or that you respect other people’s time, show up at least 30 minutes late.  You have to test the guy to make sure he is willing to wait for you.

4.  Order A Lot, Eat A Little 
 Guys want to know that you have expensive taste by ordering the steak and lobster, but make sure to not eat most of it.  Save at least half your meal and thank him for buying you lunch tomorrow.   Don’t forget to order dessert (because it’s romantic to share chocolate cake) but you don’t want to look like a pig, so just have one or two bites.

5.  Be Competitive  
  It doesn’t matter if it’s just a game of pool, make sure you are extremely competitive.  Tell the guy how great you are at the game and that he better not let you win.  Guys love choosing between beating you, which will ruin the whole night when you get upset, or you winning and stripping him of any dignity that he had.

6.  Judge… I Mean Ask About The Big 3 
   Don’t wait till the third date, find out now about your date’s religion, politics, and money situation.  Of course it’s important to state how correct your beliefs are and that people who disagree are going to hell, dumb, or just plain wrong.  Don’t forget to ask what kind of car he drives.  When they answer, act disappointed and tell a story about an older rich guy who you know that lets you drive his Ferrari or Lamborghini.

7.  Bring Up Death, Abuse, Trauma, and/or Violence 
  Nothing sets the mood for a first date like hearing something horrible and way too intimate.  Guys love hearing an intimate story the first time they go out and getting the feeling that they are obligated to share something way too intimate.

8.  Recent Past Relationship? Do Tell! 
  Of course guys want to know everyone you have dated the first time we meet you, and especially your recent ex.  Keeping mentioning your ex by name so your date will remember.  Make sure to compare your ex with your date and let him know how he stacks up… or falls short.

9.  Show How Much Smarter You Are 
  It’s important on the first date to clearly state how much smarter you think you are by correcting the guy every chance you get.  Even if the guy is joking about something, make sure he knows the correct reason why something is the way it is.

10.  Guy Friends?  Introduce Him 
 If you’re the kind of girl that has a lot of guy friends, make sure to suggest hanging out with them later on in the night.  Guys love to meet your guy friends who just happen to like you.

The greatest thing about these tips is that you don’t need to remember them all.  Just follow one or two and I promise that it will be the best night you will ever have with your date (because it will be the only night).