The key difference between Rebecca Black and these artists is that she is a child and deserves a pass. Your move, Fergie.
Rebecca Black's song "Friday" has taken the internet by storm. And rightfully so, since the Internet loves terrible things (See: the word "fail").
Here's the video, which has already surpassed 13 million views. But if you don't like subjecting yourself to awfulness, I've pasted some lyrics below:
"It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's looking' forward to the weekend, weekend"
Fun, fun, fun, fun"
"Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today is Friday, Friday"
See? The worst. BUT the fact of the matter is that Rebecca Black is only thirteen years old. Who are we to be sitting around in our ivory towers (internet chat rooms) mocking a child? That seems a bit cruel and short-sighted. This girl has already accomplished more by eighth grade than I will in my entire life.
When it comes down to it, Black is nowhere near the first singer to record some truly terrible lyrics. Not even close. And those were done by adults. So let's make fun of them. The singers who have already gone through puberty and should hopefully have the good sense to not spout ridiculousness into a microphone.
7. America - "A Horse With No Name"
There were plants
And Rocks and Things
Apparently America was stumped when writing the song, so they summoned the help of a nearby pre-schooler who had just returned from a class trip to a nearby open field of grass. The scary thing about this is how it's stood the test of time. Probably because the heartfelt lyrics ring true.
"There were in fact things. I can't disagree with that."
- A Tastemaking Music Reviewer who also has seen rocks.
6. R. Kelly - "Ignition"
We're talking about the remix here, obvs (though most R. Kelly songs could be included on this list). The guy has made a living peeing on girls writing ridiculousness, but this lyrical goldmine may be his biggest hit, so let's take a look at some sample lyrics.
First, the chorus begins with "Can I get a toot toot? Can I get a beep beep?" Unlike "A Horse with No Name," R has not enlisted the help of a child to write his lyrics. He has, seemingly, decided to direct them to one - which given his taste in women is not shocking. Saying "Can I get a toot toot" rolls off the tongue better than "I've eaten a lot of watermelon while also drinking copious amount of coffee, so sorry in advance for what's about to happen."
And then of course, there's lyrics like "Now it's like murder she wrote, once I get you out them clothes." Translated: I'd like to see Angela Lansbury naked. Amazing. Never stop writing songs, Mr. Kelly. Never.
5. Avril Lavigne - "Sk8tr Boi"
He was a boy
She was a girl
Can I make it more obvious?
Wait wait, back it up. Who was he? And who was she? And him again? Sorry, I just got lost in your subtle poetry.
4. Lil Wayne - "All Alone"
I love my n**gas, no homo
That's why I hope they all get cheese like DiGiorno
Translated: Homophobia now available in your grocer's freezer.
Oh Wayne, you so gangsta. While I certainly applaud your equating of pizza and success - again we draw a parallel between successful pop music and the interests of thirteen-year-olds having a rocking birthday party - if you really wanted to wish your acquaintances the best, can we suggest some toppings? Just plain cheese seems rather pedestrian, and not nearly up to the standards that a talented rapper like yourself would enjoy. Oh my god I just got the lyric. He's trying to keep them down. Holy shit holy shit. Wayne you a genius.
3. Shakira - "Wherever, Whenever"
Lucky that my breasts are small and humble
So you don't confuse them with mountains
2. Van Halen - "Why Can't This Be Love"
Not the whole song, but specifically these lyrics:
Only time will tell
If we stand the test of time
Nothing I write as commentary here will add to the ridiculousness of those words, in that order. I will, however, remind you that Van Halen is one of the most successful bands of all time. Rebecca Black may actually have a bright future ahead of her.
1. Anything by the Black Eyed Peas
Oh goodness. Their entire songbook might as well have been written by a thirteen-year-old. Actually, come to think of it, most of it seems like it was written FOR a thirteen-year-old.
Fergie: So what if we include the lyrics "Mazel Tov"?
Will.I.Am: Shit, that'll KILL at the Hirschfeld Bar Mitzvah
Weird Asian Looking Guy: (handing over sheet music) I've also written a song called "The Soul's Never-Ending Escape."
Will.I.Am: (looking it over) I love where you're going with this. I do. But you're fired unless you change the all the words to "Boom Boom Pow."
Weird Asian Looking Guy: All of them?
Will.I.Am: Goddamnit Yes. And Fergie get back to urinating on yourself and writing songs about lumps n' humps. We have an empire to build. And a Bar Mitzvah to rock.
- http://nirvantus.com.ua very funny BDSMGIRLS
- you're an idiot
- read the BBE section! lol.
- Avril is pretty good black eyed peas are awesome and you are mocking poor Rebecca black for her dream. You are the exact kind of person we DONT need on this earth. This si all opininated and you are hurting peoples feeling. Did you know rebecca bawled her yes out because of what people sayed about this. But she pulled it together and gave up caring. Averil Lavingne Made over 7 thousand dollers on that song and the black eyed peas just a few years ago were the #1 group downloaded on itunes. AND half theese people did not right theses lyrics there song WRITERS DID. So mabey next time you want to say something aobut how bad someone is then shove it up your fucking ass!
- this is good
- I don't see what all the fuss is about anyway she is pretty cool if you like music from artists that don't know how to sing....and look at least she knows the days of the week. R-kelly enough said.
- As a music student I'd have to agree. Quality of music has been in the shitter for the past 10 years, Rebecca Black and her writers prove my point to a T. Whether she wrote that garbage or not is beside the issue. Any musician that cares the fuck about music would get offended if asked to sing those lyrics. So they asked miss Black to do it, not giving a damn if her tone of voice when she says "friiiiday" makes the elderly bleed from the ears. Lulu you can defend this musician till your hearts content, but the fact of the matter is, humanity would be better off in the long run if performers like Rebecca Black never entered a recording studio.
- "When the dark does what the dark does best, it's darkness!" Cyanide - Deathstars I like Deathstars, but the ridiculousness of that lyric never ceases to amaze me. lol
- Hahaha :)
- why did you censor nigga? it was written by a black guy!?
- You have not heard bad lyrics until you've heard anything by the 'Insane Clown Posse'. Be careful, though...listening to them or reading their lyrics for too long will make you lose brain cells.
- this list is not complete, what about the Doors: There's a killer on the road/his mind is squirming like a toad.
- I love it!
- I, for one, like silly lyrics. Zeppelin has many lyrics that don't make sense, but they're fantastic anyways. The problem with Black is that she's tone-deaf and needs braces.
- funkin stoopid
- Your Fucking retarded! Your Probably Rebeccaa Blacks Mom Or Something Just Stfu! All those Artists Are Awesome? WTf??
- why cant i downvote this?
- you forgot Neil Diamonds Sweet Caroline...."good times never seemed so ......." wait for it......."good"
- REBECCA BLACK IS THE BEST!!!
- This article totally missed the point, and I am not gonna explain how.
- Jajajajaja can't believe this sh!t!!!
- fair enuf point about RB being 13 and already having achieved fame but....... ya cant just pick out 6 or 7 words from random songs, and act like the whole song has worse lyrics than 'Friday for example, I hate R Kelly but all the lyrics in that admittadly terrible song arent "can I get a beep beep" etc, he raps in it sure (not that I like rap)