Rick Ross is insane. For proof, just check these lines from his latest release, "Live Fast, Die Young.” more »

Full Credits

5) I got ‘em catchin’ amnesia / tryin’ to pull my fuckin’ minks out the freezer”

As someone who regularly listens to rap from all regions, I’m more than willing to listen to different local colloquialisms/slang and relish in how it aids the artist in creating a unique sound. However, there’s so much going on here that either, to paraphrase Einstein, everything is literal or nothing is literal. Ross is either stopping women from pulling his clothing out of his closet by intercepting their mouth with his penis, or he actually has women losing their memory after attempting to remove his clothing from some giant refrigerator.

4) She had a miscarriage, I couldn’t cry it out / cause you and I know, she was only my side ho.”

Alright, so, Ross’ son dies before he has a chance to hold it, causing him more pain than any physical act of human emotion could remedy, BUT since the mother was only his ‘side ho,’ wait...that’s not even a complete thought.

3 ) She came to party like it’s 1999 / If she died on my dick, she would live through my rhymes!”

Yet, this one IS a complete thought and we’re all the worse for it. Ross’ album Teflon Don has an odd motif of correlating sex with death. Earlier, on “Free Mason,” Ross’ collaborator John Legend sings “I just wanna die on top of the world / making love to my favorite girl.” Here, however, Rick gives us the hypothetical situation explaining that in the event a woman whose party habits are distinctly dated over a decade ago expired mid-coitus, she would awake to find new life in his writing.

2) Look at Haiti, children dyin’ round the clock n*gga / I’d send 100 grand but that’s a decent watch, n*gga”

Congrats Mr. Ross, you’ve officially uttered the most awful thing ever said on a rap record. On a later track, even city-running Burger King enthusiast Diddy brags about being the first person to “send a check after the earthquake.” When Sean Combs out-humanitarians you on your own shit, you know you’ve irredeemably failed.  A ‘decent’ watch does not a decent human being make. For shame!

1) Still, you know the dough won’t stop / If I die today, bury me in a dope ass watch”

This one is just completely perplexing on every conceivable level. If you’ve ever seen a picture of Ross, you would know he’s basically a walrus that let himself go. He’s got a figure big tubs of goo aspire for, so when he explains his postmortem desires, he’s either referring to somehow being compacted into something that could fit around one’s wrist, as if the perpetual dough-flow would cause him to implode himself like a dying star, OR that he would want his mammoth figure buried underground is a gigantic “dope ass watch” which, since it would be buried, wouldn’t even serve its proper purpose of telling anyone what time it was. It would quite honestly be much easier to get a camel through the eye of a needle than it would be to fulfill Rick Ross’ burial desires.

So clearly, Ross is completely insane. Is it a failure of music journalism and the modern press as a whole that this hasn’t gotten more widely reported? I’d say no as, more importantly, the song is absolutely awesome. There’s a reason why crazy people are so interesting. Thankfully, we have one more genuine nutcase to entertain us on rap records.