Hi Toy Makers. You may have noticed that you've been putting penises in products meant for children. Total lolfest, right? Actually, yes.

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April 27, 2011

1. Beauty and the...

What is this? Oh just a limited edition Princess Belle likely pimped out to children ordering chicken nuggets and french fries at birthday parties.
Where's the dick? First it's on her crotch, which raises many questions about Belle and her already unconventional relationship with the Beast. But then it's in the child's mouth, as he/she sucks her dry. Happy Meals!

(pic via Tosh.0)

2. Holy Unintentional Penis Batman

What is this? A Batman squirtgun of course.
Where's the dick? In your children's hands when they're shooting liquids on people's clothes and sometimes faces if they weren't expecting it or if they turned toward you at the "wrong" time. 

(pic via the internet)

3. So That's Why Kids Love Quidditch


What is this? Harry Potter's vibrating broom. To clarify, it's a broom a child puts between his/her legs. A broom that vibrates. 
Where's the dick? Seriously? This whole thing's a dick. A giant vibrating dick. 

(pic via Time)

4. Sticky Bear is... Sticky?

What is this? An adhesive hook that makes hanging coats n' stuff fun for the whole family. Also a sexually aroused bear. 
Where's the dick? 3M, the makers of this product, weren't really pulling any punches here. Basically someone at the board meeting was like "I'd love it if kids could hang their coats on a dick. I know what you're saying, don't kids love bears, too? Well, this is what we in the dick business call a 'Win Win'." 

(pic via Texyt)

5. Dora's Exploration


What is this? A giant dick. 
Where's the dick? In the subconscious of all toy-makers.  

(pic via Liquid Egg Product)

6. Punishing Indeed

What is this? An action figure for the comic book character, The Punisher. And his missile launching dick. 
Where's the dick? Right where it belongs, firing missiles at enemies. If this isn't a metaphor for why men start wars, I don't know what is. 

(pic via Geek Tyrant)