It’s that time of the year when America collectively comes together to count blessings. Of course friends and family are swiftly added to the bounty of gratitude to avoid any accusation of sounding like a selfish and self centered cynic. Now that you got that preemptive praise out of the way, you can acknowledge your main course of thanks. The reason why you can look marginally presentable, order a gingerbread latte from time to time and keep a roof over your PS3. We sometimes hate to admit it, but that job is what keeps us going. So thank that hell hole. Next you pile on a more than healthy helping of side thanks. This includes all of your earthly possessions. iphone. Walking Dead... more »

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November 28, 2013

1) The Yeezys

The fashion forward fans from the Church of Yeezus have been blessed with footwear of the heavens. If you were spotted in Pure Platinums, Solar Reds or the most heralded Red Octobers, you were knighted by sneaker heads with a respectful yet subtle head nod.  This shoe springboarded hypebeasts from the world of hip hop culture to the world of high sadity couture.  Sidewalks turned into catwalks. Driveways are now runways. You are no longer a model citizen..  You are a model.  I mean, have you seen them?!  You haven't lived until you have walked on three months worth of rent. Six months for some.

2) The Right to Fustation

Not to be confused with frustration.  One needs a bottom set of gold grills to properly experience this feeling of angst.  Ask yourself this important question.  When is the last time you gave an honest heartfelt rant in front of a group of people? Chances are never.  Through these live streams of consciousness, Kanye has proven that you can be yourself for voicing your opinion.  Then you can voice your opinion about their opinion if their opinion is negative towards your opinion. This is how the cycle of fustation makes the world turn.

3) Death Iconography

The only great people are dead. Everyone knows that!  If you didn’t know that, maybe you should suicide yourself to be amongst the greats so you can see what real excellence looks like.  Whether it is the light shown on the late, great anti semitic Walt Disney or praise giving to dead beat father/ megalomaniac Steve Jobs, Mr. West has shown us that only ghosts can be inspirations. Who ever penned  that ‘the tradition of all the dead generations weighs like a nightmare on the brain of the living’ is a materialistic fool. Most likely a dead one at that.  Which makes him a great fool.  Perhaps the best mummified martyr that can hold a candle to Ye, is Tupac.  Who else but this Machiavellian prince could transition as a Baltimore thespian to a pop group back up dancer to a west-coasting middle finger flipping thug.  Proving that we can be anything that we want to be.  So use that as inspiration to do something great and be an inspiration.  Posthumously of course.

4) The Future

Kanye West is a time traveller.  He knows that in 15 years, we are going to like things that we hate now. He is the Dr. Who of Hip Hop. The Marty McFly of fashion.  The Austin Powers of architecture.  It is very possible that he has already designed a really cool building in 2023 and came back to our time just to let us know we aren’t ready yet.  Thank him. Not now but tomorrow.  Just be happy his dopeness hasn’t caused a time rift, destroying the dimensional fabric we see before us.

5) Kanye Fucking West

Were you not entertained? If you were not, Imma let you finish but Kanye West has had the best interviews of 2013.  Not only that but has also has the best compilation of destroying paparazzi, walking into street signs, making president(s) cry/curse and has made the calmest west coast radio host lose his cool.  Essentially speaking, Kanye West is a sound byte factory of funny.  Your once boring day of cubicles and mundane meetings about office protocol has been sidetracked by a conversation about a million fashion industry insiders whose names you can’t pronounce.  Radio hasn’t gotten this much attention since vaudeville. Rejoice.

6) No Relation

You are not kin to Kanye West. He doesn’t even know that you exist. He understands the idea of other potential people existing but much like the possibility of Mr. West winning best album of the year at the Grammy Award show, it is just an idea. Never a reality.  You have the power to turn off your radio, television and to avoid viral interview videos.  You can exercise your purchasing power and not indulge in the cirque de yeezy.  Ultimately, Kanye West is not the architect of your world.  He is not your brother.  He is not your father.  He is not your friend. He is not your confidant.  He is not.  This gives you the choice to not ever be angry about anything that he does.  Not one emotional tirade or off the air flub from Kanye West ruin your day.  You do not owe Kanye West anything.  Thankfully.  Kanye West does not owe you anything.  Thankfully.  Which don’t ever HAVE to put up with his bullshit.

**Also from time to time he tends to make some pretty good music.