The career of America's sweetheart, Reese Witherspoon, has also spanned my movie-going consciousness. From sneaking into 'Cruel Intentions' when I was 14-years-old, to begrudgingly buying a ticket to 'Water for Elephants' this past year, I learned everything I know about sex from the best and blondest.
Your First Sexual Partner Will Be A Total Psychopath
He'll also attempt to murder your entire family, carve your name into his chest, and will finger you on a roller coaster.
Naughty Can Be Fun
Reese circa Pleasantville was a total trollop. But a few awkward fumblings in the back of some dude's car comes in handy if you're ever trapped in a black-and-white 1950s sitcom.
Hold Out, Because Ryan Phillippe Will Want Your V-Card
After watching Ryan Phillippe bone Reese to that oddly appropriate Counting Crows song "Colorblind," it became abundantly clear that it's important to choose the man who will make you a woman very carefully (read: give it to a hottie).
So don't settle for some skinny armed, acne ridden tween. Unless that's all you can get, in which case-- totally go for it!
Sleep Your Way to the Top
Tracy Flick taught us that if you're not talented enough to win something, then it's time to spread those gams and open up to the possibility of sexual favors in exchange for student body president glory.
If You Date a Yuppie They Will Cheat on You
Yuppies are awful, awful people. So, if you choose to let one have sex on you then get ready to be cheated on.
Oh, and they'll also be one (if not all) of the following: a rapist/serial killer/cannibal/necrophiliac/Christian Bale.
Harvard Men Hate Blondes
Dye your hair mousy brown, wear ill-fitting knit sweaters, and just go to parties sans the makeup, because the harder you try, the softer those Harvard boys will get.
Okay, so the guy you're interested in is married with children, a drug addict, and a notorious womanizer... big deal!
Wait a couple of years, hold his hand through sobriety, let him leave the awful family by the side of the road, and soon enough you'll be touring with his band and making millions for all that time well spent.
Rob(bert Pattinson) the Cradle
Win an Academy Award and become successful enough so that people will pay to watch you have on-camera, simulated sex with much younger men.
Added almost 2 years ago
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Description: The career of America's sweetheart, Reese Witherspoon, has also spanned my movie-going consciousness. From sneaking into 'Cruel Intentions' when I was 14-years-old, to begrudgingly buying a ticket to 'Water for Elephants' this past year, I learned everything I know about sex from the best and blondest.
Patience is overrated...
Patience is overrated...
- you forgot sweet home alabama
- What about the movie "man in the moon?"
- hai darling
- No mention of 'Freeway'?!?
- calm down everyone, you can only watch so many reese witherspoon movies at one go :p
- Good stuff!!
- You know the creepy thing? I think in one of her movies, Robert Pattinson plays her son... and then in Water For Elephants he becomes her lover/husband.
- he's not THAT much younger.