“I’m still at work”
What the huh?! Sure, pal, but where are you working? Did you get a new job? Because if you did, that’s something you should be telling us. Generally though, this is a dude’s way of being noncommittal yet informative. A bit of a warning sign, if you ask us.
“I think I just saw Jerrod Halburn at Starbucks”
Here’s the thing, when a guy brings up Jerrod Halburn, that’s his way of saying, “I think I might be bisexual,” and you totes have to support that because that is not something he chose to be.
“I’ve been in an accident”
Sometimes your bro is going to bail on you at the last minute, and it’s up to you to decide if that’s something you’re going to tolerate. This is your chance to offer a rain check or tell him to check the weather…because the forecast is partly break-uppy with a chance of “mmmmmm nope!”
“Why are you upset? I thought we discussed this and you wanted to keep the baby.”
This guy is a keeper. Although he’s accusing you of being overly emotional, he’s saying he’s ready to listen to your side of the story. Best course of action: Send him back a looky-hoo of your chest action—rev up dose engines rrrrubbbarurrrmm.
“On my way”
Guys like to pretend now and then that they’re Knight Rider, racing across the highway to come save you and/or take you to Joe’s Crab Shack. Unless it’s making you rip-your-jeans-off bonkers, just let him have his fantasy…so you can have your own: Joe’s Crab Shack.
“I love you so much”
Translation: “I’m a player, hope you’re ready to get burnt.” Well guess what, buddy, do we look like Mel Gibson in “The Man Without a Face”? Last time we checked, we sure don’t. Get this ass dumpster off your shoulders pronto—you don’t need to be smelling like an ass dumpster.
“Still upset about the Travon Martin verdict”
The death of Trayvon Martin and trial of George Zimmerman has provided a tense look into the racial attitudes of America. Some say the prosecutors failed, but the fact is, racism and gun control are subjects that need to be perpetually addressed by our society. They’re complicated, yet America loves nothing more than simplicity. Resolving these issues and working toward true racial equality will require the resolve of a marathon runner, not the ferocity of a sprinter.