Sure, they may have seemed extremely happy the moment the camera swooped into their house and the characters mugged for the camera. But a closer look reveals some dark and fucked up lyrics. I blame Alan Thicke.

Full Credits

Family Matters

"It's a rare condition, this day and age, 
to read any good news on the newspaper page. 
Love and tradition of the grand design, 
some people say it's even harder to find."

Jeez. Things are looking bleak in the Winslow household. At least they don't live next to cheese addict who borderline sexually harasses their daughter. Oh...

Growing Pains

"Show me that smile again. (Show me that smile) 
Don’t waste another minute on your cryin’."

Words told to Kirk Cameron after he learned of evolution. 

Step by Step

"The dream, wide broken
Seemed like all was lost
What would be the future
Could you pay the cost
You wonder,
Will there ever be
a second time around?"

Couldn't we all use a second chance? Especially the guy living in a van outside our house.

Full House

"What ever happened to predictibility? 
The milkman, the paperboy, evening TV."

When you've got an Elvis impersonator, a gay widower, and a "comedian" living in a house, sometimes all you need is a little routine. 


"So no one told you life was going to be this way. 
Your job's a joke, you're broke, you're love life's DOA. 
It's like you're always stuck in second gear, 
Well, it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year."

It's best to sing about your depression while dancing and frolicking in a fountain. 

BONUS: Martin


Just kidding. But in all seriousness, Gina needs to lighten up. Damn.