Cornell Reid, LA Bureau Chief
“Now that you’ve won the championship, what are you going to do?”
“We’re going to Disneyland!”
It’s the ultimate cliche. When a team wins a championship, someone always says that they’re going to Disneyland. I have connections to the higher-ups in this magical land and my insider source reveals all in this exclusive, behind-the-scenes peek into what actually happens during these trips.
During the ‘95 Chicago Bulls’ trip to Disneyland, Goofy & Dennis Rodman got along really well until they found out that they both had sex with Carmen Electra.
Goofy & Dennis Rodman got along really well until they found out that they both had sex with Carmen Electra.
The 2010 Giants
The Giant's trip was derailed when Tim Lincecum’s teeth scared Pluto and Pluto bit his throwing hand.
2011 Green Bay Packers
In 2011, Aaron Rodgers, of the Greenbay Packers, pinched Minnie’s ass and Mickey went after him with a knife. It took Chip & Dale to hold him back.
2011 St. Louis Cardinals
Albert Pujols, of the World Series winning 2011 St. Louis Cardinals, cried on the Haunted Mansion ride. He said the voices were too scary.
2010 Dallas Mavericks
Dirk Nowitzki’s feelings were hurt, during their trip to Disneyland after winning the 2010 NBA title, when Eric Dampier made some jokes about the German part of It’s a Small World.
2010 Boston Bruins
Tim Thomas from the 2010 Boston Bruins beat the shit out of Donald Duck. Fracturing his bill in 3 places.
2010 New Orleans Saints
Reggie Bush ate too much cotton candy before riding the teacups. He hurled all over teammate and superbowl MVP, Drew Brees. After an apology and a change of clothes, the 2010 New Orleans Saints enjoyed the rest of their trip.
2009 Los Angeles Lakers
Kobe Bryant dropped his frozen chocolate banana causing him to cry and throw a fit until Phil Jackson took all of the 2009 Lakers home.
2002 Los Angeles Lakers
Shaquille O’Neal got stuck in one of the bobsleds on Mammoth Mountain and it took 43 firefighters to free him. The rest of the 2002 Lakers laughed and laughed.
1979 Pittsburgh Steelers
The Pittsburgh Steelers’ Disneyland trip in 1979 was cut short after they got kicked out because Terry Bradshaw climbed off the boat and tried to open mouth kiss one of the animatronic pirates.
Los Angeles Sparks, whenever, who cares?
Lisa Leslie really really enjoyed Storybook Land.
One of the 100 times the Yankees went to Disneyland
Derek Jeter really had to pee, but Splash Mountain’s long line mixed with the incessant splashing sounds caused him to pee his pants before he got on the ride. Thankfully his khaki shorts were drenched on the ride anyway and hardly anyone knew.
2005 San Antonio Spurs
Tim Duncan was blown away by Star Tours on the San Antonio Spurs’ 2005 trip. Still to this day it is impossible to convince him that the ride doesn’t actually take you in to space.
1994 Nancy Kerrigan
In 1994 Nancy Kerrigan got to the front of every line she went to at Disneyland due to her broken leg. Tanya Harden and Jeff Gilooly had to sit in line for hours. Their plan had backfired.
1988 Los Angeles Lakers
In 1988 when the Los Angeles Lakers went to Disneyland, Kareem Abdul Jabaar was technically too tall to ride the Thundermountain Railroad, but he got on anyway and suffered a severe head injury. Later identified as a decapitation.