Focus on the Family founder James Dobson recently sent an e-mail to his fellow FotF members listing the 3 essential items every respectable Christian should have on their person at all times. These are the items on the list complete with Dobson's commentary.

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June 09, 2011

The Holy Bible with all those "Red Letters" ripped out.

Supposedly the red letters in the Bible are what Jesus said but us real Christians know that this is false. Hitler added these as liberal propaganda when he was rising to power in the late 1930s. So what should a good Christian do? Rip out anything with red letters on it. If your Bible happens to not highlight Jesus sections in red,  just be sure to remember that everytime Jesus is talking about tolerance, or not judging others beliefs that it isn't Jesus talking, but Hitler.  

A DVD of "Rent"

I know, I know my fellow Christians, why would I put this smut on the list? It is important to distinguish between those who are actually gay and those who just act gay. Acting kind of gay can be easily cured and therefore isn't someone you must avoid but someone who is actually gay must be avoided at all costs, lest you catch the gay! Only a man so gay he has no hope of ever becoming cured could enjoy the film Rent. That is why this DVD must be with you at all times.

Ether-Soaked Rag

As a Christian you are, of course, part a beautiful, happy, wealthy nuclear family. But what if some disgusting person decides that they want to ruin it? What if someone puts a cartoon on NATIONAL television that doesn't uphold to the family values that made you beautiful, happy and rich? What if someone advertises a product using nothing but women in sexual attire to promote said product? I have news for you beautiful followers, it's already happening and it's important that we protect our children from these heathen images and the best way to do that, is anytime your child is about to be exposed to these images, you cover his face with your ether-soaked rag so that he passes out. Therefore he can't be exposed to these images. It's the only way to fight the evil that is taking our once proud nation.