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Newt Gingrich

The only person Newt would pardon is Beast Man after being banished from the Vine Jungle to Eternia #preparethem #MastersOfTheUniverseSlam

Newt has 99 problems but his bitch ain't one Newt 2012! #preparethem

Newt Gingrich classifies all cold sores as in-grown hairs Newt 2012! #preparethem

@StephenAtHome Newt Gingrich prepares for debates by standing in front of a mirror and having a round of Formidable Opponent #preparethem

Newt Gingrich talked Steve Carell into leaving The Office. Newt 2012! #preparethem

Newt has gone on record saying his moon base would pay for itself by exporting cheese Newt 2012! #preparethem #QuesadillaAfiocionado

Newt wouldn't get a dog when he moves into the White House he'd get a gang of bitches w/ hep. C down to scrap on some real shit #preparethem

The only lasting relationship Newt has had is with hypocrisy Newt 2012! #preparethem

Newt made a bet with a cantaloupe to see who could hold their breath the longest for eleventy dollars #preparethem #StillThinksHeWon

Newt is a lobbyist for John Kyl's abortion kit Wire Hangers for Whores Newt 2012! #preparethem #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement

Al Green's "Let's Stay Together" will be banned on day 1 of Newt's term listening to it will be punishable by death. Newt 2012 #preparethem

Newts first term all government funding for food stamps welfare medicare and the USPS will be used to harvest unobtainium #preparethem

Breaking News: Newt announced his Vice President will be his Kuato Newt 2012! #preparethem #StartTheReactorFreeMars

Newt's inauguration speech "We're not just going to the moon Tom Harkin, we're going to Mars, Naboo, and then Pandora BYAH" #preparethem

The Only Czar in Newt's 1st term is John Kyl as Truthiness Czar/Head of PlannedParenthood #preparethem #notintendedtobeafactualstatement

Newt isn't gonna kiss your Mother in the morning. He's gonna give her AIDS, punch her in the throat, and leave Newt 2012! #preparethem

Newt is the one that convinced Al Sharpton to eat the blueberry pie so he could watch him get beat #HeartlessAt7 #preparethem

Newts interns must have at least 1 relative with a hereditary disease so he wont feel bad firing them when they get sick #preparethem

Newt Gingrich is the human equivalent to insurance companies you're his bitch until you get sick, then you're really fuct #preparethem

Mitt Romney

Mitt isn't gonna flush your tax dollars down the toilet he's gonna wipe his ass with it first like he has been. Romney 2012! #preparethem

Mitt Romney tax exemptions for 1% of Americans, shit stew for 99%, and a dog crate for every car roof Romney 2012! #preparethem

Mitt Romney's 1st executive order will shut down the Book of Mormon play and publicly execute of TreyParker and MattStone #preparethem

In Mitt Romney's America the National Anthem will be replaced with the Huey Lewis & The News 'Sports' album #preparethem #AmericanPsycho

Mitt Romney refers to the poor and very poor as moose and elk Romney 2012! #preparethem #GoogleMittMooseHunting

Mitt Romney once made a bet for a million dollars with Rupert Murdoch over who could kill the most panda bears in 48 hours. #preparethem

Mitt Romney doesn't recognize anyone making less than 3 million in a year as a person. #preparethem #ThereAreOnly7MillionPeopleInTheWorld

Mitt Romney's original reason to run for President was so he wouldn't have to pay taxes anymore Romney 2012! #preparethem

Mitt Romney's Secretary of State will be Christian Bale reprising his role as Patrick Bateman Romney 2012! #preparethem #AmericanPsycho

Mitt Romney will use his business savy to convince the Vatican it needs a new logo in Joseph Smith to quiet the boyrape #preparethem #FireJC

Corporations ARE people, just look how many Mitt Romney fuct. Romney 2012! #preparethem

Mitt Romney's plan to help the poor and very poor is providing them w/ a needle and barbiturate. Romney 2012! #preparethem #ReUseThatNeedle