10 Things to Buy William and Kate's Baby

The royals are some of the most photographed people in the world. So get something to protect that baby's eyes - a sweet pair of shades. Not only will the baby already look way cooler than anyone else in that family (except Harry...goddamn that Harry), but the shades will give the baby a "Bitch, please" look that other royals shy away from.

It's really worth hoping this baby is a girl just so we can get this look as often as possible.

For when the deafening silence at family dinners with the Queen is just too much. Plus, everyone in the Royal Family is too polite to talk at meals, and when they do, it's BORESVILLE-UPON-AVON, ENGLAND!

It'd be nice to have another person with hair in that family.

Baby's first shot! From this guy, obviously.

No, like actual Harry Potter. Buy Daniel Radcliffe!

There’s absolutely no reason that a baby this well-bred should be anything but a Mini Grand Supreme pageant winner. Not only do pageant babies have class, elegance and sophistication, they also wear the biggest crowns - totally befitting a royal baby.

Give a shout-out to whoever is gonna raise this thing!

That is the size of an actual house!

Just pick any of England's favorite foods, blend them up into a nice puree, and send them over. Choose from delcious things like STEAK AND KIDNEY PIE!

Or whip up some JELLIED EELS!

Or, just send them some HEAD CHEESE, as is. You know Head Cheese? It's the meat from the head of a pig wrapped in jelly, remember? The consistency is soft, perfect for baby!

CONGRATS, WILLS AND KATE!