Top secret details of next season, leaked from the History Channel.

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October 12, 2010

On the next season of Ice Road Truckers:

Episode One: The Ice Road Truckers meet at the Roadhouse and swear a pact of cutthroat competition.  Toby meets a new First Nations lover, who promptly steals his collection of Neil Young CDs.

Episode Two: Mac invents a new snowball-scented men's cologne.  The Tomlinson brothers attempt to set the record for a pair of siblings driving across the tundra wearing only Speedos.

Episode Three: While hauling a massive load of croissants, Trudy puts on twenty pounds and leaves the road to try out for The Biggest Loser.  A freak snowstorm ruins Mel’s plans for an outdoor silent auction.

Episode Four: Mitch reveals his bizarre sexual fetish for naked penguins.  Tensions rise between Doug and Tim when Doug pisses in Tim’s chili.

Episode Five: Toby befriends a sea lion, but then must eat it for dinner when trapped by a fierce blizzard.  Doug decides to order some new erotic mud flaps from E-Bay.

Episode Six:  Mitch fails in his attempt to combine Ice Road Trucking with Ice Dancing. Tina comes up with a killer recipe for a Whale Blubber Margarita.

Episode Seven: Tina’s called off the road to deal with a plumbing tragedy at home.  Walter reprograms Ben’s GPS to direct him to drive straight into the Chukchi Sea.

Episode Eight: Luther gets caught trying to use his rig as a mobile human cryogenics lab.  Mitch begins a lichen collection.

Episode Nine: Hank's pet iguana gets frostbite. Ed turns an abandoned igloo into a bustling pancake house.

Episode Ten: Trina’s surprise birthday barbeque for Roy goes wrong when a pack of famished polar bears attack.  Several abandoned rigs are found by Canadian Mounties and impounded.  History Channel executives meet to discuss a video game adaptation.