Do not wear a suit. You heard right.
Donât wear a suit. Everyone wears a suit, even Hillary Clinton, and you
want to stick out. Upon entering the interview room, slyly state, âthe
suitâs at the dry cleaners, been on a ton of interviews lately.â You
should subsequently query, âCould we hurry this up? I have real
important interview pretty soon and need to pick up my suit.â Dress
casual, like you were on your way to the Laundromat but stopped by for
an interview because it happened to be on your way.
of wisdom: A little fibbing goes a long way. Lets say you were recently
an Assistant Manager at McDonaldâs, but were fired because you âsampled
too much food.â A slight distortion of words could make the difference
in helping you land the position. What this means is, you take a title
like assistant and convert it to Vice President. The end result of the
conversion is Assistant Manager = V.P. of Operations. In theory, you
were the V.P. of Operations at that store. Donât sell yourself short; a
little undamaging untruth never hurt anyone.
o Education: The
main lesson to be learned here is creative rearrangement. So you paid
for an online degree from University of Phoenix, simply creatively
rearrange those letters to UPenn, a prestigious Ivy League university.
Important: omit the unnecessary leftover letters.
vast array of hard-hitting interview questions, but one is the most
common, and when answered correctly, can help you avoid any other questions:
âWhat is your greatest weakness?â To counteract this question, reply: âMy greatest weakness
is answering job interview questions,â you immediately alert the
interviewer to why you are so terrible at answering interview questions;
eliminating the entire question and answer process of the job
interview. This enables your creatively rearranged resume to stand out.
o Helpful Hint:
If ever asked about your previous position or education, change the
topic immediately, pretending you didnât understand or make something
up. Example: âI was so drunk, I do not remember much,â or, âOMG! Is that
spider on your head?!â Another option is to say you cannot speak of
your previous employment due to the top-secret nature of the work.
Shaking hands is customary to
most any interaction where people are meeting each other for the first
time; but during a job interview itâs a glaring signal that you are exceedingly desperate for
the position. A high five is the closest anyone should come to shaking hands at a job interview.
Conversely, one could also ignore the outward hand or present a limp,
lifeless appendage for the person to uncomfortably shake, as a way of
saying, âafter Iâm hired, youâll be lucky I donât fire you.â
Eye contact displays
attentiveness and interest. Avoid eye contact at all costs. This is
probably the most common mistake. Do not ever appear needy or like you
actually want the job.
Sit back and relax, put your feet up if you have to; you donât ever
want to appear nervous during the interview. Make it known that you are a
busy person and have better things to do with your time. Work out a
crossword puzzle, you could even interrupt the interviewer to ask for
some help. âOh, this sounds like you, maybe you can help with nine
across. What is a three letter word for a donkeyâ¦that starts with A?â
You will get bored, itâs going to happen, job interviews are some of the
dullest moments of a personsâ existence. To combat the boredom you
should read a newspaper or play Angry Birds on your phone or even leave
the room. âDonât stop, Iâll be right back.â
Eat lunch during
your interview, particularly if it is not a lunch interview. Remember,
you are very busy and need to get to your next interview refreshed and
ready, so you are eating lunch during this mind-numbing interview. Donât
ask, just bring in your lunch and begin eating. It is in good judgment
to offer the interviewer a bite if they look hungry.
Interview Within an Interview
Carry out an
over-the-phone interview during your interview. Have a friend call you
at a specified time, or even text them when you are ready, because you
should be on your phone anyways, and begin to answer some scripted
questions, making it sound like you are doing very well. After finishing
the phone interview you can assuredly say, âWow, Google is really
desperate for me to work for them. Did you get all of that or should I
The overall goal of these techniques is
to exhibit great disinterest, in turn making the prospective employer
sell to you. Turn the tables. Remember, leave the suit at home, ignore
the handshake, rearrange the resume, spin the interview questions, avoid
eye contact, bored is good, eat lunch without asking, get interviewed
during the interview and generally do not give a damn. You will not have
to wait to see if you received the job, these techniques guarantee the
position immediately after the interview. It is recommended you tell the
employer you will think about it and request double whatever salary
they offer, refusing to accept any less. Most often the employer will
offer triple, thereafter. These tactics work 100% of the time,
use other methods at your own risk.