Do not wear a suit. You heard right. Donât wear a suit. Everyone wears a suit, even Hillary Clinton, and you want to stick out. Upon entering the interview room, slyly state, âthe suitâs at the dry cleaners, been on a ton of interviews lately.â You should subsequently query, âCould we hurry this up? I have real important interview pretty soon and need to pick up my suit.â Dress casual, like you were on your way to the Laundromat but stopped by for an interview because it happened to be on your way.
Words of wisdom: A little fibbing goes a long way. Lets say you were recently an Assistant Manager at McDonaldâs, but were fired because you âsampled too much food.â A slight distortion of words could make the difference in helping you land the position. What this means is, you take a title like assistant and convert it to Vice President. The end result of the conversion is Assistant Manager = V.P. of Operations. In theory, you were the V.P. of Operations at that store. Donât sell yourself short; a little undamaging untruth never hurt anyone.
o Education: The main lesson to be learned here is creative rearrangement. So you paid for an online degree from University of Phoenix, simply creatively rearrange those letters to UPenn, a prestigious Ivy League university. Important: omit the unnecessary leftover letters.
Thereâs a vast array of hard-hitting interview questions, but one is the most common, and when answered correctly, can help you avoid any other questions: âWhat is your greatest weakness?â To counteract this question, reply: âMy greatest weakness is answering job interview questions,â you immediately alert the interviewer to why you are so terrible at answering interview questions; eliminating the entire question and answer process of the job interview. This enables your creatively rearranged resume to stand out.
o Helpful Hint: If ever asked about your previous position or education, change the topic immediately, pretending you didnât understand or make something up. Example: âI was so drunk, I do not remember much,â or, âOMG! Is that spider on your head?!â Another option is to say you cannot speak of your previous employment due to the top-secret nature of the work.
Shaking hands is customary to most any interaction where people are meeting each other for the first time; but during a job interview itâs a glaring signal that you are exceedingly desperate for the position. A high five is the closest anyone should come to shaking hands at a job interview. Conversely, one could also ignore the outward hand or present a limp, lifeless appendage for the person to uncomfortably shake, as a way of saying, âafter Iâm hired, youâll be lucky I donât fire you.â
Eye contact displays attentiveness and interest. Avoid eye contact at all costs. This is probably the most common mistake. Do not ever appear needy or like you actually want the job.
Sit back and relax, put your feet up if you have to; you donât ever want to appear nervous during the interview. Make it known that you are a busy person and have better things to do with your time. Work out a crossword puzzle, you could even interrupt the interviewer to ask for some help. âOh, this sounds like you, maybe you can help with nine across. What is a three letter word for a donkeyâ¦that starts with A?â You will get bored, itâs going to happen, job interviews are some of the dullest moments of a personsâ existence. To combat the boredom you should read a newspaper or play Angry Birds on your phone or even leave the room. âDonât stop, Iâll be right back.â
Eat lunch during your interview, particularly if it is not a lunch interview. Remember, you are very busy and need to get to your next interview refreshed and ready, so you are eating lunch during this mind-numbing interview. Donât ask, just bring in your lunch and begin eating. It is in good judgment to offer the interviewer a bite if they look hungry.
Interview Within an Interview
Carry out an over-the-phone interview during your interview. Have a friend call you at a specified time, or even text them when you are ready, because you should be on your phone anyways, and begin to answer some scripted questions, making it sound like you are doing very well. After finishing the phone interview you can assuredly say, âWow, Google is really desperate for me to work for them. Did you get all of that or should I repeat anything?â
The overall goal of these techniques is to exhibit great disinterest, in turn making the prospective employer sell to you. Turn the tables. Remember, leave the suit at home, ignore the handshake, rearrange the resume, spin the interview questions, avoid eye contact, bored is good, eat lunch without asking, get interviewed during the interview and generally do not give a damn. You will not have to wait to see if you received the job, these techniques guarantee the position immediately after the interview. It is recommended you tell the employer you will think about it and request double whatever salary they offer, refusing to accept any less. Most often the employer will offer triple, thereafter. These tactics work 100% of the time, use other methods at your own risk.