5. FEAR OF GETTING DUMPED IN A PARKING LOT
Penelope "Punky" Brewster was a perfectly lovely and normal 8 year old girl. So, it stands to reason as long as I stay as cute and bubbly as Punky, my parents will love me forever and always? WRONG! You're a CHUMP!
.....(or so I thought after watching the first episode and the opening credits to EVERY other episode!)
Yep, her father walked out on her mom, then her own MOTHER abandoned her at a Chicago shopping center, leaving Punky alone with her DOG!
Nice job Mom, really poured salt into that wound, didn't you? Saddling her with a puppy to take care of, in addition to being 8 and homeless? You wanna throw her all your debt and STD's while you're at it?!
4. FEAR OF BEING ADOPTED BY AN ANGRY OLD MAN
Ok, so let me get this straight. Once I get DUMPED (not even given up for adoption? Really? Even an MTV Teen Mom would drop the kid in front of a fire station)
Of course, the next rational step an 8 year old would take is finding a place to squat for the night.
Boundless excitement ensues after finding said squatting place, only to then have a screaming pissed off grandpa that nightmares are made of, yelling at you, a fucking eight year old girl. But then! Change of heart by the old dude and now he wants to adopt her? Hmmmm, I've heard of that kind of genorosity before, on To Catch A Predator.
3. FEAR OF MOVING INTO THE BIG CITY
and immediately dying of smoke inhalation....Seriously- what the fuck, location scouts?
Because of those opening credit shots, I totally thought moving into ANY big city would be like living in Chernobyl. A black skied, radiation filled misery land.
Oh well, I guess I'll just live and die in my shitty town of 1,200. At least there's a Dairy Queen here! (sob)
2. FEAR OF CAMPING
and having this happen.
1. FEAR OF HAVING GIANT BOOBS
So giant in fact, that I would have to have surgery to get them reduced at 15 years old!
Ahhhhhhhh! The nightmares never end with you Punky!
After the boob reduction, the only acting job you can get is a cameo on Saved By The Bell. Yikes!