Do you like education and learning? Stay tuned for these upcoming additions to the TLC family tree of knowledge!

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April 02, 2013

American Banana Eaters

You know bananas? Well some people eat SO many! Like, probably an unhealthy, disease-causing amount of bananas. Want to watch those people for about a half hour? Do you like the sound of someone slowly chewing a banana near your ear?

Meet the Crawford family! Charles, his long-suffering wife Ingrid, their rascal of a wise-cracking son Kip, and crazy Uncle Stumpy! They are ALL about bananas! Ingrid will go to the store and buy literally DOZENS of those yellow slightly-deformed-uncircumcised-penis-shaped delights. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner....bananas, bananas, and bananas! So weird, right?

Uncle Stumpy will even disguise himself as a gorilla to get extra bananas from the zoo! Will he survive being raped by a silverback gorilla? Tune in and find out!


Spoiler: He does not.

Couch Farters

Come visit Tennessee"s own McMichael family! Big Rick, his long-suffering wife Maddy, his rascal of a wise-cracking daughter Kip, and wild Uncle Sparkles!

Guess what they do ALL the time? Hot farts right on their couches! Isn't that WEIRD? They are obsessed with farting. Do they ever fart in the bathroom or in their car? Probably, who knows. Let's assume they don't though. That's not strange enough, nor is it educational. These unique people are CONSTANTLY FARTING deep into their abused couch cushions. We won't show you those worthless, lame silent ones either. Don't worry about that. We know you don't want to waste your time. Loud, girthy, rumbling, rain forest-wet farts. That's what we will actually film and broadcast to millions of homes. YOU WILL LOVE THIS.

Watch ol' Uncle Sparkles try desperately to "hold it in" when his boss comes for a visit! Will he keep his job making brownies and iced tea for To Catch A Predator? Tune in and find out!

Man Popple Wedding Planner Wars

Hey remember Popples? Yeah, they were awesome. Well, according to the premise of this show, there are men who actually MARRY vintage 1980's Popples dolls! Wha...wha...WHAAAT?? I know, right? Imagine a guy trying to have sad sexual intercourse with an obscure stuffed toy! Hey, these dudes do it!

Anyway, meet the staff at Enchanted Weddings, as well as their stiff competition, Krazy Kraig's House of Abominations (And Notary Public)! Every week, these two wacky gangs try to outdo each other by planning the most outlandish, bizarre, immoral-by-any-standard weddings of a human male and his semen-stained Popples doll. Seriously, some of these dolls have  NO EYEBALLS! Just cringe-inducing, soul-shattering EYE HOLES.

Will Enchanted Weddings be able to convince Ke$ha to get off the stage at Nathan and Puffball's wedding reception? Tune in and find out!

Guess what? Puffball is the MAN.