5 F'd UpThings the Japanese Find More Acceptable Than Paris Hilton

By Poop or Chocolate September 22, 2010 | 7,896 Views
If you haven’t heard by now, Paris Hilton is being detained in Japan after she was like, “Japan, let me in your country!” And they were like, “地獄雌犬無し!” – Translation: “Hell no, bitch!” This is Paris Hilton we’re talking about; whenever something evenly mildly inconvenient happens to her, TWO angels gets their wings. But Japan won’t let her in? JAPAN?! Let’s forget that she owns three hotels in Tokyo alone. Have you seen the crap Japan is infamous for? Here are five things they allow that are way worse than Paris Hilton, just off the top of my head.

The Used Panty Market

These schoolgirls are selling the panties right off their bodies. Paris can’t even bring her panties into Japan. The jokes on Japan, though. Paris doesn’t wear panties! And she never went to school!

Kancho

This is a game little kids play where they . . . wait for it . . . jab their index fingers into grown-up’s assholes. That’s a game in Japan! It’s considered . . . painfully cute.  So much so that they've immortalized it in a statue. There is video evidence of Paris doing a lot of things, but I haven’t heard about that parlor trick. Though she’d probably be great at it! Both sides. A two-way star! But her index fingers, let alone her anus, aren’t allowed in Japan.

Monkeys In Hot Springs

Pink-faced gross-ass monkeys just chill in hot springs in Japan. They dig on the hot springs and Japan’s just like, “Do it, monkey.” This one is just egregious. Japan thinks Paris Hilton isn’t fit to hang out where monkeys bathe? They’re saying Paris Hilton is dirtier than a monkey? Japan is going on record as saying, “Paris Hilton is dirtier than a pink-faced gross-ass monkey?” They’re making it their national motto? Well okay then.

Nut Shot Game Show (VIDEO)

VIDEO: NUT SHOT GAME SHOW

Look, I’m not gonna pretend to know WHAT THE FUCK is going on this clip. It begs so many more questions than I’m willing to ask. I guess if I had to pick one question to summarize my general inquiry it would be “WHAT THE FUCK?!” Regardless, all we really need to know is that Japan would rather slingshot (slingshot!) tennis balls into the genitals of their men over letting Paris anywhere near them. If anyone out there can translate this video, never tell me what is happening.

Whatever the Fuck This Is

The caption says it, and I agree: No further description available required. I bet Paris would like this one. Oh well, I hear they do kinky stuff in Thailand too.

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