6 Groups of People That Can Get Married When Gay Couples Can't

Last week same sex couples were granted the right to marry in the state of New York. Yay! That's great news. It was inspiring to hear certain Senators speak about how they've changed their minds and realized that equality is important. It was also very weird to hear people arguing over whether or not certain people should have the same rights as others. I mean, duh, of course they should. If people are really worried about protecting marriage, then why are these types allowed get to get married? Seems like they "change the definition of marriage" much more than a same sex couple in love...

Yup. Believe it or not in 19 US states, citizens are allowed to marry their cousin, but in only 5 states can same sex couples get married. That sounds totally normal.

When in prison, inmates retain their right to get married. So even if you are a murdering, raping, abusing, evil kidnapper, you're welcome to get married. But if you've been in a committed relationship with someone of the same sex...sorry! That would be icky.

Man: Wooo hooo!!! VEGAS!!!
Woman: We're so wasted!
Man: You know what would be crazy? If we got married right now!!
Woman: Ok!!!

That is, I'm sure, an actual conversation that people have in Las Vegas. Like multiple times a day that happens. People get married because they are drunk or just because they can. They might not even have known each other for 24 hours! True love!

Remember when Britney Spears married that guy in Vegas "just for the hell of it"? Then they got their marriage annulled 55 hours later?

Nothing speaks to the sanctity of marriage like the vows you say to your  wife. Or your second wife. Or your third. Hey, I get it. People change. You marry someone when you're 25, they're not the same person when your 45, you get divorced. It happens, it's sucky, you move on.

Maybe you realize your wife is not the one for you during a political campaign so you wait to tell her you want a divorce until after you win. So what if she happens to be in a hospital bed recovering from cancer treatment. Am I right, Newt Gingrich?


We all know that right? Republican Presidential candidate, Newt Gingrich, has been married three times, first to one of his teachers who he then divorced while she was RECOVERING FROM CANCER. Yes, Newt Gingrich can get married as many times as he wants, but he believes marriage is between one man and whichever woman he is currently attracted to one woman.

By the way, the Guinness Book World Record for most marriages is held by Linda Lou Taylor of Indiana who has been married 23 times. 23 times!! That is so many times. I wonder which one was the most sacred.

People go on TV shows to find a spouse. A lot!! There are so many TV shows for people to get married to strangers! There have been more than 20 seasons of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise (sidebar: Bentley!) and less than two of those couples remain together. Let's be honest, even those people know they are going on television to be famous, not to find love. Right? They know that, don't they?

The worst of reality show marriages was from the show "Who Wants to Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" where 50 women competed to marry a multi-millionaire who they would not meet or see until they were getting married. Like not even a conversation. Or a picture. Or a chance to ask, "Hey, do you have any restraining orders against you for domestic violence against past girlfriends?" Because the answer would have been yes. This man went on a game show to marry a stranger and didn't mention to anyone that he is a weirdo and might not even be a multi-millionaire (the most important thing in a marriage). 22 million people watched this mess marriage between one man and one woman.

This is the worst case of redefining marriage. Marriage can not be turned into to a union between a woman and a star trooper!

If you are not in support of same sex marriage, I wonder how you can support themed marriages. I don't mean to be anti-Star Wars. Get married in whatever way you want. I'm just saying, allowing people to get married dressed like clowns and Klingons takes a little weight out of the sacred marriage argument.



Let's be honest, if the gays are allowed to get married, the themes will be WAY more fun! Imagine a Gaga themed wedding. Or Madonna wedding! Or for the ladies, a cargo shorts theme!