1. No, that shirt doesn't make you look fat all! Don't be silly. It's your fat that makes you look fat.
2. Babies are a miracle... but so are afternoon naps. Jealous?
3. I don't want to help you move. No, I don't have any plans. Just don't want to do it.
4. I don't know mom, maybe I'm a lesbian.
5. You're kid is on the honor roll, impressive. So was he the only one that didn't incessantly pick his nose or eat his glue stick? What did he partake in the arduous challenge of mastering the alphabet?
6. So what are the chances that your baby is going to grow into that head? Like 30/70?
7. That's one handsome lady.
8. No intern, this isn't hard and you're not confused. You're just an idiot.
9. It's not that you're pretty so much as you're a whore. Luvs you! No but really tighten it up.
10. Oh so I put the mail in the box that matches the name on the envelope. Thank you middle management. Say I've been having a hard time with this whole ass wiping thing. Since I am obviously incapable of even the most elementary of task, perhaps you can help me solve this conundrum- is it front-to-back or back-to-front?