I Think I'm Turning Japanese

For $67 you can get Odor Elimination Panties, which claim to “kill 95% of gas and sweat” and made for anyone who “worries a lot about smells”.

I’m worried what the other 5% smells like

The face slimmer mouthpiece. At $69, what will they think of doing with silicone next?

Oh, I forgot- they already have-

Designed with her in mind, this face mask tightens cheeks.

It also is very useful at eliminating annoying questions like “Where have you been?” and “Who is she?”

Want to webcam with your dog? For $726 you can have the Dog Bowl Camera, which allows owners to see Fido at mealtime

But be careful what you ask for-

Billed as an inexpensive way to avoid botox and cosmetic surgery, this anti-aging mouthpiece tightens cheeks and jaw muscles.

Seriously, if you walked in on your mate with this stuck in their puss, wouldn’t you have a moment of self-reflection questioning what the hell have you been thinking and are you really this desperate?

                                        “Holy Chikusho! It’s Godzilla!”