You're surfing a video on YouTube, or FunnyOrDie. Maybe you're reading
an article on politics or badgers. And now you're ready to make your
voice heard: to add... a comment!
What follows are five basic
rules to make your comment both popular and meaningful:
1. Show that you were first
are the first to comment on something, be sure to write, "Yes! I'm
first!" or something to that effect. Everyone else who reads the article
will be impressed with your quick thinking, and ability to click things
more quickly than others.
Check your grammar at the door
People who post internet
comments are very busy and important, and do not have time to bother
with things like spelling or grammar. It is also important to interject
internet slang such as OMG and LOL, at seemingly random intervals. This
slang can also be used to bookend your comment. Please note the
Initial Sentence: "I found your article on the
proliferation of nuclear weaponry to be profoundly enlightening."
Commentary Sentence: "OMG therr are somany of those ppl who have thez
bumbs they r evrywear! LOL!!!"
3. Remember your racism
If you don't understand the
video/article, you should instead try to incite some sort of racial, or
otherwise bigoted hatred.
Popular topics include: Jews, Blacks and
Homosexuals. But hey, don't feel limited by these options, there are
plenty of minority groups to espouse.
Example: "i hte the IRish
cuzz theey r abunch of potatos LOL!!!"
Your random racial
rantings will draw far more of a response than any rational discussion
of the video/article ever could!
4. Quoting is everything
If you're watching a video,
it's a great idea to quote the funniest line/lines from it in the
commentary. Most people who have watched the video have already
forgotten the parts that made them laugh, so it's a great help for them
to be able to see your quote as a reminder. For those who have not seen
the video, your comment will give them an idea of what to look for, so
they won't have to be surprised by the humor.
5. Refuse to accept irony
video/article is clearly being sarcastic or joking, you should
absolutely take it at face value and assume they are being serious. The
following would be an acceptable response to an article about using
kittens as an alternative fuel source:
Example: "U R SOOO STUPUD!
OMG kitens r not sumthan to burn LOL yur goingg to hel lke the JEWS!"
following these five rules, you will be sure to gain the respect and
admiration of your fellow internet commentators. This is a marvelous
thing to have, because there is no one more important and sophisticated
than someone who posts a comment on the internet.