It could be worse...

A germaphobe with herpes
 
Have red hair and be breathing
 
Get beat up by Andy Dick
   
Have a threesome with Rosie O'Donnell and Susan Boyle
  
Be Canadian
   
Death by ant bite

Be that broad singing on the Education Connection commercial

Be Chaz Bono's vagina

Be Stedman's cock

Have bullied Matt Stone and Trey Parker in school

Be Greta Van Sustren designated finger popper

 

Be Mel Gibson's sponsor at AA

Be the creator of the breathe right strips for dogs

Write the screenplay for Son of the Mask

Have a mustache growing contest with Geraldo

Be locked in a room with The Situation

Be The Situations parents

Forget to lock the gate to the dog cage and not get royalties

Be Sean Hannity's designated nose hair trimmer

Test positive for feline aids (Like John Kyl)

Be Criss Angel's hair dresser

Only get paid when Rush Limbaugh has a valid point

Be Rebecca Black

Be Rebecca Black's parents

Have a writing credit for the song Friday by Rebecca Black

Mess wit de Jesus

Be asked to go on Maury Povich's show and have your segment end with 4 words

Be a peadophile that settled for a Mini-Van istead of the nationally mandated Windowless Work-Van

Be a peadophile that isn't able to grow a mustache