So often these days we meet ladies who already have kids. Is this a deal-breaker? If you're smart it is! But you might want to get inside those guts so bad you're going to get yourself in a relationship with a woman with kids. Tread lightly, and tread smartly! Here are 5 keys to dating a woman with kids.

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November 09, 2011

Establish Dominance

This is like your first day in prison, and let's face it, relationships are a prison, right down to the anal sex. So it's your first day in the yard and nobody is quite sure what to make of you. You're going to have to slap a bitch. Now I'm not condoning spousal abuse, but you need to whack her in the mouth the first time she says no to you.
The Key: you must do this in front of the kid! You've just established double dominance!

Turn The Mom Against The Kid

The mother loves her child. That's just how it works, unless you're in China and the child is a girl. But in normal places, the mother loves the kid and doesn't see all of the child's flaws. She will now if you play it smart. Start pointing out flaw after flaw of the child. Plant the seed that she might not be the best mother and NEEDS you around in order for her child to succeed.
The Key: Convince her that her kid is retarded! Then you can send him off and plow the mom 24\7!

Break The Kid's Spirit

Children have the energy of a tweaking crackhead and it can be difficult to keep them in line. Instead of breaking the kid down time after time you only need to do it ONCE. Just be smart about it. Go into her room late at night when she's sleeping. Stand in the doorway and make enough noise to wake her up. Stand there for a couple minutes to creep her out, then walk over, sit on the edge of the bed and stroke her hair. Then lean down to her ear and whisper these words: "I love you and your mother so much." Now she'll be too guilty to screw up your plans.
The Key: Keep a picture of her in your wallet and "accidentally" have it slip out from time to time. Instant guilt!

Buy Them Off

Kids can be spunky little trolls. They're smarter these days. Harder to get into vans. But if you're dating a woman and he knows you're playing games and just want to bang the mom for a while, he can put an end to that if he wants. Buy him off. Get him the new videogame he wants or material object that kids obsess over. He'll think he's getting over on you, but in reality you're keeping him busy while you destroy his mother's insides.
The Key: Get him sort of gaming subscription, that way he now relies on you for happiness!

Mark Your Territory

In a foreign environment, nothing is yours. Yet! Start taking control of everything. Be the Alpha you are. Start with the remote, then move on to the home computer, videogames,etc. Show your displeasure when they use these things without asking. The only item the mother should be able to use freely is the kitchen equipment. The only item the child should be able to use freely is a slinkie. Remember those?! That kid's going to kill himself!
The Key: Get a label gun and put your name on everything, even toilet paper. It'll be worth it to hear "Honey, can I wipe my ass?"

If you follow these 5 keys, your relationship with that hot mom will go better than expected. You can stick around longer with less of a headache, and now you have someone to mow the grass for you!