This is like your first day in prison, and let's face it, relationships are a prison, right down to the anal sex. So it's your first day in the yard and nobody is quite sure what to make of you. You're going to have to slap a bitch. Now I'm not condoning spousal abuse, but you need to whack her in the mouth the first time she says no to you.
The Key: you must do this in front of the kid! You've just established double dominance!
Turn The Mom Against The Kid
The Key: Convince her that her kid is retarded! Then you can send him off and plow the mom 24\7!
Break The Kid's Spirit
The Key: Keep a picture of her in your wallet and "accidentally" have it slip out from time to time. Instant guilt!
Buy Them Off
Kids can be spunky little trolls. They're smarter these days. Harder to get into vans. But if you're dating a woman and he knows you're playing games and just want to bang the mom for a while, he can put an end to that if he wants. Buy him off. Get him the new videogame he wants or material object that kids obsess over. He'll think he's getting over on you, but in reality you're keeping him busy while you destroy his mother's insides.
The Key: Get him sort of gaming subscription, that way he now relies on you for happiness!
Mark Your Territory
The Key: Get a label gun and put your name on everything, even toilet paper. It'll be worth it to hear "Honey, can I wipe my ass?"
If you follow these 5 keys, your relationship with that hot mom will go better than expected. You can stick around longer with less of a headache, and now you have someone to mow the grass for you!
Added over 1 year ago
6 funny votes
4 die votes