Think you're safe?? Think again... you might be around an alien!

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These are just a few tips on how to spot a little green piece of trash alien.

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May 17, 2012


It's a nice summer day, and you decide to have a good ol' fashion BBQ. You got the grill going, gonna throw on some steak, burgers and ribs. Everything a man could ask for that doesn't have a vagina. As the food is being prepared, you ask your guests "Who all wants cheese on their burger?" NOW this is a very important question. If someone doesn't want cheese on their burger, then you better have your lightsaber on hand because that lactose intolerant mother fucker is getting ready to eat everyone there! We all know that everyone loves cheese, besides those green little ugly fucks. They might as well admit that they once tried to eat Sigourney Weaver back in the 1980's. Get a gallon of milk and pour it all over them, they'll melt like that bitch witch in The Wizard Of Oz, and you and your guests can get back to the grub session.


It's a snowy, winter day and you decide that a hot coffee will do the trick. 31 degrees, but the coffee shop is right down the street, so you decide to throw on your nice wool peacoat and matching gloves, and take a nice winter walk. On your way, you see something so bewildering. A GROWN ASS ADULT wearing flip flops and a tanktop out in the cold. "WHAT THE FUCK?" you think to yourself. Don't panic, but its an alien. You better keep your butthole tight because that piece of shit is getting ready to go on an anal probing frenzy. We all know that only aliens can wear that sort of nonsense while its snowing. Whip out your government issued laser rifle, and shoot that fuck right in his face. Make sure you aim for the brain or the heart, because we all know that alien's limbs regenerate at a rapid rate. Kill that bitch and go get your nice warm mocha.


You're being a patient individual, waiting in line. You decide to spark up a conversation with a stranger. You think to yourself "Hey, I like the TV show Breaking Bad, maybe this complete stranger that I've never seen once in my life does as well." Soon, you discover that this "person" doesn't watch television. Only aliens choose to not watch TV. First, you go for the heart rip, but it fails. Some aliens have a very thick bone structure surrounding their heart. Without hesitation, make a break for it outside and call up Area 51 and let them know that one of the cast members from the movie Mars Attacks is within feet of you. If you happen to have a cellphone with the capability of watching TV on it, or the place you are currently at has a TV, turn it on to your favorite program, shove it in their face and watch that sky demon crumble like feta cheese.