Funny quotes that were probably said but never documented.

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July 09, 2012


Independence Day Edition


"Hey, Hancock...ya know we all have to sign this, right? You self-absorbed jackass." --Various Forefathers 


“I like my coffee like I like my women.” --Thomas Jefferson


"We’re fighting 13 colonies? Really? Can we break a mirror and walk under a ladder while we’re at it? Jeez!" --Superstitious General Cornwallis


“You can cross the half-frozen Delaware but can’t pick up your socks? Unbelievable.” --Martha Washington


"Give me liberty or give me gout?!  Ok, who's been messing with this?" --Patrick Henry


"Seriously, Britain...West Point is all yours. But there is of course my usual realtor fee. Sorry...industry standard." --Benedict Arnold


"1 if by land, 2 if by sea, and 3 if I have a girl over and don't want to be disturbed." --Paul Revere


“I should probably bequeath the copyrights to my screenplay for Spies Like Us, just in case.” --Nathan Hale 


"Of course dumping tea in Boston Harbor is a good idea. I won't have a bad idea until I brew my Summer Ale." --Sam Adams


"What about solid blue? That would also make an excellent flag." --Lazy Betsy Ross


“We should get France to rescue us. We’ll have plenty of opportunities to repay the favor, I bet.” --John Adams


"King George can suck my liberty balls." --Ben Franklin



These and other #LostQuotesOfHistory are routinely posted on my Twitter page. 


“Follow @KeithAlberstadt on Twitter!” --George Washington

Have a belated Happy 4th. Now go blow up some leftover fireworks.