Lost Quotes of History

Independence Day Edition

"Hey, Hancock...ya know we all have to sign this, right? You self-absorbed jackass." --Various Forefathers 

“I like my coffee like I like my women.” --Thomas Jefferson

"We’re fighting 13 colonies? Really? Can we break a mirror and walk under a ladder while we’re at it? Jeez!" --Superstitious General Cornwallis

“You can cross the half-frozen Delaware but can’t pick up your socks? Unbelievable.” --Martha Washington

"Give me liberty or give me gout?!  Ok, who's been messing with this?" --Patrick Henry

"Seriously, Britain...West Point is all yours. But there is of course my usual realtor fee. Sorry...industry standard." --Benedict Arnold

"1 if by land, 2 if by sea, and 3 if I have a girl over and don't want to be disturbed." --Paul Revere

“I should probably bequeath the copyrights to my screenplay for Spies Like Us, just in case.” --Nathan Hale 

"Of course dumping tea in Boston Harbor is a good idea. I won't have a bad idea until I brew my Summer Ale." --Sam Adams

"What about solid blue? That would also make an excellent flag." --Lazy Betsy Ross

“We should get France to rescue us. We’ll have plenty of opportunities to repay the favor, I bet.” --John Adams

"King George can suck my liberty balls." --Ben Franklin

These and other #LostQuotesOfHistory are routinely posted on my Twitter page. 

“Follow @KeithAlberstadt on Twitter!” --George Washington

Have a belated Happy 4th. Now go blow up some leftover fireworks.