Sure Benny The Jet looked good in "The Sandlot." But would you actually want this cocky bastard on your team? Didn't think so.

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Stats & Data

September 01, 2010

Paul Blake

MOVIE: Necessary Roughness
FICTIONAL DOMINANCE: Former high school player of the year, helped turn around a dismal program, bedded his teacher.
WHY HE'D BE A BAD TEAMMATE: Hooking your wagon to a 40 year old quarterback. That's just not plausible. Oh, wait.

That said, Sinbad would totally be an awesome teammate. As would Kathy Ireland.

Henry Rowengartner

MOVIE: Rookie of the Year
FICTIONAL DOMINANCE: His tendons were too tight, leading to a Cy Young worthy season, despite being a child who didn't know his father.
WHY HE'D BE A BAD TEAMMATE: Never mind the fact that he was a child, he showed poor judgment when, after slipping on a baseball (Seriously? He's a baseball player - shouldn't he have an awareness of where the ball is when running on the to field like a doofus, waving to his Mom), he loses his fastball. Instead of calling timeout and having his manager bring in another pitcher, Rowengartner decides to pitch to the opposing team's best player (and John Kruk look-a-like). Sure, that lobbed worked once, but what terrible decision-making. He put his whole team on the line just so he could make his mother proud. What a jerkstore.

Chances are that lob didn't have the same effectiveness in the next round of the playoffs. Rowengartner was back in Little League the next season.

Aid Bud

MOVIE: Air Bud

Zack Morris

SHOW: Saved By The Bell
FICTIONAL DOMINANCE: Though he often played second fiddle to multi-sport star AC Slater, Morris was a force on track team.
WHY HE'D BE A BAD TEAMMATE: Tried to convince the school that Slater (the team's real leader) had a disease and needed to be shipped off to Hawaii. Also, just flat-out not reliable, as he often put wooing cheerleaders and learning about his Native American roots ahead of the team's needs.

Lou Collins

MOVIE: Little Big League
FICTIONAL DOMINANCE: Best player on the Twins during their unlikely playoff run, despite being played by Timothy Busfield.
WHY HE'D BE A BAD TEAMMATE: Does not respect authority, as he totally slept with his manager's mother.

Supposed to be a power-hitting first baseman, but ummm...Timothy Busfield? That's a stretch. Here's a couple other Busfield roles: Poindexter In Revenge of the Nerds, Poindexter in Revenge of the Nerds II, and so on and so forth.

Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez

MOVIE: The Sandlot
FICTIONAL DOMINANCE: Hit for power and average. A lightning bolt on the base path. Defeated a dog.
WHY HE'D BE A BAD TEAMMATE: Sure, it's easy to look good when you're playing with a bunch of saps. Smalls? That guy owned a plastic glove and thought the Great Bambino was a Disney character. Not to mention they let someone's little brother on the team (the one that just repeated things - don't remember his name, not important.)

On top of that, his claim to fame was embarrassing a dog. And not like Air Bud, or anything. Just a regular dog. What a dick. No wonder he grew up to be a pinch runner. That's worse than not being a professional baseball player at all.

Teen Wolf

MOVIE: Teen Wolf
FICTIONAL DOMINANCE: A one man/wolf wrecking crew.
WHY HE'D BE A BAD TEAMMATE: A complete ball hog. And the ego on that guy. Sure he had his hype man and sometimes you just can't hold the wolf down, but cool it, buddy. There are four other guys on the court with you. Spread the love.

Charlie Dillon

MOVIE: School Ties
FICTIONAL DOMINANCE: Okay, maybe not "dominant," but coaches were certainly intrigued by the cut of his jib. Plus, he was played by that guy from Euro Trip.
WHY HE'D BE A BAD TEAMMATE: He's an anti-Semite. That'll kill some team bonding outings.

Also, COWAARRRRDS! Sorry. Had to.

Russ 'Knuckle Puck' Tyler

MOVIE: D2: The Mighty Ducks
FICTIONAL DOMINANCE: Discovered in the most unlikely of places (hockey players in southern California?!? I refuse to believe it), the character played by future Goodburger alum Kenan Thompson would wow opponents with his legendary "knuckle puck."
WHY HE'D BE A BAD TEAMMATE: Stopping the game to announce "it's knuckle puck time" will not get you a victory. It will get you a penalty. And maybe a Goodburger.