5. Andrea Zuckerman
While the show did reference she would later get her life together, the decision to send her to the middling Cal U led to a drastic 180 in Andrea's life. No longer was she the brainy teacher's pet with one eye on the school paper, the other one on Brandon's dreamy sideburns. Her aspirations and ambition crushed, Zuckerman shacked up with the caterer, filled her uterus with a child, and dropped out of school. Way to ruin her life, Aaron Spelling.
*Also, we'd like to wish the actress who played Andrea, Gabrielle Carteris, a happy 70th birthday.
4. Screech Powers
It's California University again. Actually seems like a solid college. Zack was smart enough and it actually alludes to the possibility that the school is Berkeley. Hell, even Andrea Zuckerman went there. But c'mon. In high school, Screech was inventing robots that were capable of celebrating his birthday and defeating chess Russian chess prodigies by summoning the power of a lucky beret. He could have had his pick of the litter. In fact he did; Screech was accepted to Duke, Emerson, Clemson, USC, Emory and Princeton. The only school he was rejected from was an unnamed all-girls school. But alas, without that prestigious school on his resume, the only job Screech could get as a post-grad was that of assistant principal at his old high school.
3. Carlton Banks
Okay, so the guy wasn't at home building robots, but he was valedictorian of his class. At the graduation, he gave a moving speech as his hero Bryant Gumbel looked on in admiration. The very same graduation in which Will was forced to dress up like a sunflower and perform with children in order to complete his academic requirement (Bel Air Academy was an extremely competent school). These two were on opposite life paths, I bet! Incorrect. They both ended up at ULA, where Carlton swallowed his Princeton dreams and became the school's mascot and laughing stock. That should not have been his fate. Even Hilary got into UCLA. To be fair, the fact that Carlton was accepted to any university is an achievement in itself when you consider he once threatened to kill a representative from Princeton.
2. Topanga Lawrence
She, too, won valedictorian (beat out that suck up Minkus), yet received the same higher education as Shawn Hunter, who spent his days making out with girls in the locker and crying about his Mom's lack of parenting skills. Who else went there? Eric Matthews. That guy couldn't even get into ANY college after he graduated. Her unfortunate fate must have taken a toll on her, as she immediately put on weight and became a housewife to a guy who based his entire life's actions on the teachings of the creepy old man next door.
1. Steve Urkel
Oh goodness. This is the guy who got dicked over the most. Steve Urkel. Let's put it simply: here's a high school kid who is capable of building a device that transforms human DNA. Off to MIT, right? Off to save the world, right? Right. If by "right," you mean the greatest mind of our generation was relegated the local college, Illinois Occidental. I blame Laura. She went there. She was, and forever is, Steve Urkel's downfall.