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Instructions to preparing and eating Instant Ramen
Published December 25, 2012 More Info »
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Published December 25, 2012

Instructions

 

Step 1 Tear plastic cover off cup of instant ramen, throw away plastic
Step 2 Resist urge to throw away instant ramen
Step 3 Open cup, hold upside down, let avalanche of salt pour into trash can
Step 4 Pour water into cup, place in microwave for 2 minutes
Step 5 Remove from microwave, wait 2 hours for noodles to cool
Step 6 Take 2 hour nap, wake up, take noodles out of super industrial freezer
Step 7 Begin eating, scald roof of mouth
Step 8 Use remaining broth to burn off scabs hanging from roof of mouth 
Step 9 Avoid going into shock from trauma
Step 10 Take second two hour nap to regain ability to move body
Step 11 Wake up from nap in hospital bed surrounded by friends and family
Step 12 Remove catheter from penis, hug mother
Step 13 Tell children you love them, await results from colonoscopy
Step 14 Receive diahrrea prescription from doctor, leave hospital in wheel chair

Step 15 Return home to instant ramen

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