What ever happened to the Swine Flu?  

It just flu away? 

 

 

Ever hear someone say, “Don’t take it 

personally?”  Well, what do they 

expect?  You’re a person!  What other 

way would they want you to take it?!  

That’s like insulting your pet parrot 

and then saying, “Oh, don’t take it 

birdly.” 

 

 

Guys, if a girl tells you a random guy 

she just met asked her to marry him, 

don’t ask her if he was drunk. 

 

 

 

You know what you never hear about?  

Bees who commit suicide by stinging 

themselves. 

 

 

Ever have a dream where someone you 

know aggravates you, then even after 

you wake up, you still can’t help but 

be upset with these people in real 

life?  They’re like, “What’s your 

problem?”  You’re like, “Oh Joanne, 

don’t pretend like you don’t know!” 

 

 

How bored do you think the person who 

invented olive loaf must have been?  

“This bologna sucks!  I think I’m 

gonna spice it up with a few green 

olives.  Hey, bologna laced with 

olives    now, there’s an idea!  I 

shall call it ... Olive Loaf!  

Mmmwahahaha mmwahaha!!” 

 

 

You know, you could leave a male light 

bulb and a female light bulb alone in 

the same room, and they still wouldn’t 

be able to turn each other on. 

 

 

Don’t people with hands-free phones 

always seem to be talking to you? 

 

 

 

Do you think people who just don’t 

understand overstand?

 

 

You know, there’s nothing better than 

a nice morning-after Buffalo wing 

fart. 

 

 

Ever go to open a new box of cereal 

and end up shredding the flap into 

pieces?  What a way to start your day.  

You wanted bran flakes, not box 

flakes!  

 

 

 

Don't the people who work at the U.S. 

Mint always seem to make a lot of 

cents?

 

 

Ever notice teenage girls tack an 

extra “Uh” sound onto the ends of 

ordinary words when they’re mad?  

They’re like, “Ew-uh!  No-uh!  Go away- 

uh!  Come on-uh!  Just go-uh!”

 

 

Whoever invented the Stick-Up Bulb 

should stick that stupid light bulb 

over their head each and every time 

they think up another crazy idea.