5 Reasons Why Everyone Needs to Stop Calling Sarah Jessica Parker a Horse

By Dan Abramson June 3, 2011 | 47,301 Views
This needs to end.
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Alright, we get it. She's not considered attractive by internet standards. That's fine. But is there really a need to repeatedly call her a horse or make references to the fact that you think she has a horse face? Nope. Not at all. Let's examine why.

She's a Middle-Aged Woman

middle.jpgAnd she looks like a middle-aged woman. If I were a middle-aged woman and I looked like a middle-aged woman, I'd be okay with that -- given that's what most middle-aged women look like. Did she look better when she was in her 20s? Of course. All human beings do. When your mom hit age 46, did you say, "You know, Mom, you've really gone downhill as your body has begun deteriorating." No. That would be a terrible thing to say to another person.

This Is The Face She Was Born With

face.jpgIt's not like she Jacko'd it up, Frankensteining her face in a quest to look this way. This is her genetic material. "Excuse me, Ms. Parker. The internet seems to have a problem with your DNA, which as science has proved, is completely out of your control."

You're Insulting Ferris Bueller

ferris.jpgFerris has chosen her as his life companion. Shouldn't that stand for something? Let's face facts: a guy who can ditch school, catch a foul ball at Wrigley, sing in a parade, all while being the SAUSAGE KING OF CHICAGO, clearly could have had any woman he wanted. And he chose her. That's got to be worth something.

It Stems From a Dislike for "Sex and the City"

satc.jpgAnd that's not fair. Didn't like the show? No big deal. Not everyone likes the same things. But don't confuse your disliking of women in their 40s talking about bikini waxes with your urge to hate women. Let's just acknowledge that it was a critically acclaimed, groundbreaking show that appealed to specific demographic (namely, everyone who resists the urge to call Sarah Jessica Parker a horse).

If Anything, We All Have Horse Faces

horse.jpgWe're just not famous. Got that, fat guy photoshopping pictures of horses with Sarah Jessica Parker on it? You're a horse. We're all horses.
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  • she doesn't look so much as a horse as she does a foot.
  • yea man you cant be dissing ferris bueller's lady like that he's cool with The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.
  • That could have been funny, but you actually defended clipclop - I mean Sarah.
  • more girrafe like than horselike
  • A horse ... I'd never thought of that, I just thought she should have stuck with her singing career, Twisted Sister was the best band ever.
  • Wow this is the worst post ever. Not even close to being Funny, so please DIE. Dan Abramson should not be allowed to upload anything to Funny or Die again. Please and Thank you.
  • you know what is funny though this... http://www.southparkstudios.com/clips/267362/today-on-today
  • Can we say, "SJP's 'donkey show' is just her masturbating?"
  • She is still a horse
  • People wouldn't call her a horse if other people hadn't spend so much time hyping how good looking that horse faced beast is.
  • yeah but, sarah jessica parker looks like a horse. And the writer of this sounds like a no fun loser. you are literally telling people to stop making fun on FunnyorDie.com So if you are not gonna make funny, maybe you should die?
  • this wasn't funny, so whoever wrote this should die
  • This was written by a man, and published on a comedic website? Someone actually sat down and spent time defending someone he never met against the "internet" . . . sounds like this knight in shining armor needs to come down from his white horse . . . err i mean SJP.
  • She isn't a horse, she is a transvestite donkey witch
  • "We're all Horses" should go down in the history of great civil rights speeches
  • Damn. I actually expected this to be at least SOMEWHAT amusing. Fail.
  • That gave me diabetes.
  • I think Seth McFarlane said it best....she looks like a foot....lol
  • Also she's a nice lady, I don't understand the burning hate people have against this 46 year old mom. if she was a bitch I could underdstand but damn
  • can we still say she is ugly and has been since she started acting? is that ok with you? i dont know what she resembles but whatever it is it isnt attractive and never has been. SAVE FERRIS!
  • Two words: man hands!!
  • This isn't funny, why'd you even post it.
  • when does this become funny?
  • booo that was lame. SJP has a horse face.
  • This is pretty dead on. The only reason it may not be amusing to some is because it calls you out as being an celebrity troll. And a horse. So keep crying pansies.
 
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