The 1990s was filled with awesome t.v and movie characters o plenty. The decade was also filled with some serious dickbag characters. Here's a compilation of douchebaggery, featuring tools that ruined all kinds of shit and most definitely deserved a swift kick to the crotchal region.

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October 06, 2011

#15 - Wolfgang from Hey Arnold

Wolfgang was leader of the 5th graders, a wanna-be bully and total dick. From his blonde mullet to his t-shirt with a cobra on it, Wolfgang screamed crotch tickler. Too bad Hey Arnold and the gang totally whooped his ass in football that one episode. Who knew if your face is shaped like a football you're also automatically a stud on the gridiron? 

#14 - Cliff (& The Greasers) from CatDog

This tremendous dick and his gang of idiots bullied the shit out of CatDog and frequently called them 'Catbutt'. Real creative, guys. And while I will say Cliff rocked the Chris Mullin flat-top like a champ, he and his gang were dumber than shit. This is probably why a cat-dog mutant outsmarted them on the reg. Cliff also liked ballet - just another notch on his douche-belt.

#13 - Dr. Herman Varnick from Beethoven

Remember this fuckstain? Dr. Varnick was the anal bead/veterinarian that tried to steal Beethoven for his crazy dog experiments. The douche even faked an attack by Beethoven to get him euthanized. I was like, "C'mon bro, even the kids in the flick knew it was fake." In the end, this pube-munch was thrown in the slammer. Too bad Beethoven never got a chance to bite his dick off.

#12 - Ted Maltin from Jingle All The Way

Phil Hartman was a legend, there's no denying that, but his character in Jingle All The Way was a total limp wiener. While I'll admit his live reindeer was badass, his son was a prick and his weasel-like ways made me surprised Arnold didn't go all terminator on his ass at multiple points in the movie. After makin' moves on Arnold's wife he totally deserved that eggnog mug to the suck hole.

#11 - Kocoum From Pocahontas

Caught up in a classic case of 'who gets the smoking hot Indian chick', this seemingly hard ass warrior turns out to be a total douche. Essentially, he failed to realize that Pocahontas got a taste of the white meat and couldn't go back. He did rep the Eve chest tats like a boss, but everybody knows you can't mess with John Smith's flowing blonde locks, beard and superior combat skills. In the end, Koco-dick got straight murdered by that total bitch that John Smith saved earlier in the movie, so you tell me who's more badass.  

#10 - Norman Snively from Air Bud

This guy never even had a chance. Not only was he a tool, but he also was a clown, and a creepy ass clown at that. He basically wanted to steal Air Bud to use his MJ-like bball skills in his shitty traveling circus. Unfortunately for Norm, Air Bud had a 10+ movie contract to fulfill, including such classics as, Air Bud: Golden Receiver and Air Bud: Seventh Inning Fetch. Now-a-days, Air Bud is making it rain millions at the local titty bar while you're giving mustache rides to a bearded woman.

#9 - Cruella de Vil from 101 Dalmations

Not as much of an asshole in our #9 spot, but more of a total biotch. I mean who the hell needs a coat that's so big it needs the fur of that many Dalmations? Combine that with her cat-lady style hair and anyone can envision this chick's house reeking of urine, cigarettes and loneliness. Other than that, fine acting job by Glenn Close.

#8 - Actor Christopher McDonald (Happy Gilmore/Flubber)

Chrissy Mac has been known to play pricks in quite a few movies, including two 90s classics - Happy Gilmore and Flubber. Unquestionably, his douchey-er role was Shooter McGavin in Happy Gilmore, but his character, Wilson Croft, totally effs shit up in Flubber as well. In the end, Shooter McGavin gets pummeled by an angry mob and Wilson Croft gets a nut-shot from Flubber himself (maybe not, but that ending may have saved a terribly mediocre movie).

#7 - Buzz from Home Alone

While Buzz wasn't technically the villain of this flick, he still turned out to be a tool shed. Tellin scary stories, stealing the last piece of pizza, owning a tarantula...sounds like a jagoff to me. Somehow his last line, and possibly only compliment ever to Kevin, made him seem to the entire country like a kid with a good heart. I wasn't buying it. Plus his girlfriend was a house.

#6 - Angelica Pickles from Rugrats

Angelica makes Cruella de Vil look like Haley Joel Osment. I guess with her Mom being a bitchy lunatic, it only made sense. Damn girl, ease up on Chuckie and Tommy for a minute. Being that she was like 3 years old, legally I can't say we all wanted to punt her in the face...but we all wanted to punt her in the face. 

#5 - Dennis Nedry from Jurassic Park

The fact that Dennis Nedry is played by the same guy as Newman from Seinfeld automatically makes his character a wormy, sneaky son of a bitch. Add to that the fact that he totally fucked up Jurassic Park for everyone and got Martin Ferrero eaten by a T-Rex, and you've got one giant asshole. Thank god that dinosaur ate the shit out him when his Jeep was stuck, and did us all a favor. 

#4 - Neil Miller from The Santa Clause

Neil comes in at #4 because he committed one of the greatest movie infractions of the 90s: not believing Tim Allen is actually Santa. What a bag of dongs. He also wears douchey sweaters and was straight boning Charlie's Mom. Then in the end, he even gets his damn Wienie Whistle from Santa. I sure wish Santa would've filled a stocking with coal and beat his face in.

#3 - Injun Joe from Tom & Huck

One of the most well known villain/dicks of folklore, Injun Joe rears his ugly head once again in Tom & Huck, trying to kill Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Probably should've and saved us all one moderately terrible acting career, but i digress. Injun Joe should've spent less time murdering people and more time finding that treasure and moving to Mexico to a life of luxury. Instead he fell off a cliff and died. That sucks. 

#2 - Jafar from Aladdin

Slithering in at #2 is none other than the douche of the Middle East, Jafar. The list of jackass things Jafar did over his illustrious career as Grand Vizier of Agrabah is almost as long and terrible as his goatee. In the end though, he didn't get to slam Jasmine, Aladdin did. I guess he still has a hilarious parrot as a pet, so that's something, right?

#1 - Scar from The Lion King

I didn't know lions could be dickheads, but I was wrong. This dude is the top dog of the Disney douches, mainly because he killed Simba's old man, which is, totally not cool dude. In the end he falls of a cliff and get eaten by a pack of Hyenas. I bet that hurt like a mofucka.