Start Hinting at Your Plan to Execute the Other Candidates, Starting With Newt Gingrich
Play to your strengths, Rick. Take a look at what you excel at: saying the wrong thing and executing people. Nobody is going to fault you for being yourself.
Call Michele Bachmann "A Crazy Bitch" During a Debate.
Here's what we know: Michele Bachmann is an insane person who we all made up with our minds. No harm no foul in calling attention to this on national television. And if there's anyone who could get away with it, it's Perry. "Oh, I was drunk." See! It's the perfect excuse. During the next debate, just start doing your whole I'm-not-familiar-with-the-English-language thing, and throw out a "well if that crazy bitch wasn't showing America her tits all day, maybe I could remember the third agency I'd cut." Nobody will question you. And sure, she has certainly not flashed America, so just play it off like it's a Texas metaphor for showing your cards/tits.
Partner Up With the Koch Brothers
It's called making a deal with the devil, and it works every time.
Start Repeating What Mitt Romney is Saying. Verbatim
Mitt Romney's got this thing locked up. And he's doing it with a simple approach: not saying anything stupid. He's kind of like a guy who plays tennis not to lose, who calmly shouts stuff like "good rally," after you've hit the ball out of bounds while trying put him away. So why not mimic him? And, Rick, if anyone calls you on it, just say Mitt had a good answer and you agree. Better than saying "Oops" or "I own a hunting ranch. Discuss."
Challenge Ron Paul to a Cage Match
FIGHT TO THE DEATH! WINNER GETS SECOND PLACE!
Added over 1 year ago
1110 funny votes
169 die votes
Patience is overrated...
Patience is overrated...
- I would donate money to Perry campaign if he actually followed the "call Bachman a crazy bitch" step.
- He can say, "I told GW to go into Pakistan but he was all like, "No way man""
- Jethro Bodine. From the OG series.
- 3 more things: 1. Change your last name to Parry instead of Perry and go on Colbert 2. Start cappin dem hatin mark ass trick-haters with his joggin gun aka "Apollo Ono" (you see he's so stupid he thinks Apollo Ono runs track) 3. Go back to Texas, secede from the union, create an army made entirely illegal aliens, and go to war. funnyordie.com/AshbyBrooks
- I've said once and I'll say it again,"be afraid, be very afraid!" "Our country is being run by dangerous idiots!" and these are no different!
- Is that Barnie 5 there holing the gun. OOOPS
- Rick Perry just needs to start talking about his plan to sell Texas to China! I'm for it. http://brettcottrell.blogspot.com/2011/10/perrys-economic-plan-sell-texas-to.html