That Nobody's Getting Pregnant After Passionate Sex
Listen, I'm no prude. I get it, condoms feel terrible and nobody likes them. But the fact of the matter is most of us use them as we don't want to die from horrible diseases nor do any of us want to have children, ever, because they crush our dreams and can't comprehend that one day, sautéed broccoli will be an appetizing experience.
Anyway, apparently, there's little need for condoms on film. Here's an example of a very realistic sex scene in which two characters didn't waste any time with contraception:
When two characters just can't resist themselves and the sexual tension has come to a climax, I understand that filmmakers would not want to have them pause and go "Hey, I think I have a condom. Just a head's up, I'm never good at putting it on so I may awkwardly ask you to do so." And as such, it's very unrealistic. I want realism in my sex scenes, even if that means afterward the characters awkwardly encounter each other in the bathroom for post-coital clean up.
No Beverage in That Cup
Dear movie character,
That cup you are drinking from is too light! It's supposed to be filled to the brim yet you are flailing around, haphazardly bringing it to your lips. Coffee should be spilling everywhere.
Fill your cup, please.
A discouraged beverage fan
Rain During a Dramatic Conversation
Here's something I've never seen happen in real life:
What, no umbrellas in your movie world? You know what I do every morning? Check the weather. With all the apps and plugins we surround ourselves with, we have constant access to information pertaining to whether or not a umbrella will be required that day. It's all very easy. I also have it on good authority that it was the whole point of the iPhone.
Anyway, never ever in my life have I had an important conversation in the rain. Usually, if something imperative needs to be discussed, it is rehearsed ad nauseum in my head and then I invite that person to go get coffee. Then, and only then, will I decide that I'm too much of a coward to bring it up, and will return to my scone. Never during that scenario is it raining.
I have actually no issue with the shaved chests that Hollywood hunks sport when their shirts comes off. We unfortunately live in a world where that's now a normal thing that assholes and non-assholes alike can do. Fair enough. But what I do have issue with is when movies try to make it appear that a male character does in fact have a full chest of hair, but for some reason it stops immediately when it gets to the stomach. That's not how it works. Just ask any guy afraid to take his shirt off at the beach. Or that guy's girlfriend.
Hi, Here's a Blatantly Fake Phone Number
"What's your phone number?"
"It's 555-completely fake. That's 555-we're too lazy to find another way to get across the information that characters have exchanged phone numbers."
"Great, i'll call you back never because that doesn't exist and we've completely given up on making this movie feel like an escape for the viewer."
- Um... that first screen grab is from SPECIES - the chick was DEFINITELY trying to get pregnant.
- The one that gets me is when the wife kicks the husband out of bedroom, and he sleeps on the couch when you KNOW darned well thay have a coulpe of SPARE bedrooms. AND when they are unloading groceries and you can ell those are empty boxes, light as air. AND when most are pouring milk, it's a QUART size carton, when they have a large family that eats cereal every morning.
- "From my count, people have making movies for at least 30 years. " -- Missing something? Also, I live in Oregon...Umbrella's are for southerners and Californians. And what's another unpaid child support bill anyway? I owe millions.
- Movies are stories just like the one where you put scone to face instead of talking about what you had been thinking about saying all day. They're normally around two hours long so they fit lifes consquences into scenes with dramatic effects to get your mind off the drama in the scene you're in. Yeah most of them can seem ridiculous but the truth is you have to strike when the metal is hot and if you are out in the rain trying to help out a friend who needs to hear it, don't wait til you get out of the rain to talk. Your dumbass needs to hear it when you're thinking about it. If you ask me there is some much money and polotics involved in movies, half of the writers imaginations aren't even put into the film. For example, "Rocky", very low budget film, with really drama, music, filmography and action. Loved it. Take time to read the books then see the movie if you want to be a good critic. Don't see a movie to get away from your life and then complain the movie wasn't realistic enough for you. That's why you went to see the movie anyway, right?
- I got taken out of the moment every time Justin Timberlake was on screen in The Social Network. Nsync was totally existent in their world.
- Still not understanding why the streets are always wet in movies.
- and how do they always wake up looking gorgeous? Good Lord, they should do a movie when i wake up, my hair is looking like a blonde Al Sharpton, I mean really? but then again who would wanna watch that ????
- You know what irks me? When they knock an armed bad guy down, and they know they are going to have to fight more bad guys; but they don't pick up the bad guy's gun. There are innumerable movies when this happens, like in Drive, for example. He could have made his life a lot simpler by using the guns. That's why I like Taken. Liam Neeson did not fuck around with that bullshit.
- The worst thing to me is when a couple wakes up in the morning in bed and immediately start talking 2 inches from each other's face and making out. Nobody is going to do that with morning breath. It is so unrealistic and makes me yell at the screen. That's a thing that's happened to all of us, along with the poster who said they have Al Sharpton hair in the morning. I agree--they usually look red-carpet ready when they awaken. What BS.
- Or how about when a 100 pound woman is climbing mountains and skyscrapers and knocking out 300 pound men with one bad form punch or round house kick
- A woman taking a shower or bath in full, smoky-eyed makeup. I keep wanting to scream, "Oops, missed a spot!"
- Those all bother me but for some reason the one that bothers me the most is when a character orders "a beer". No one ever just walks into a bar or restaurant and says "I'll have a beer". At least make up a fake brewery, jeez.
- It really takes me out of the movie when Tony Shalhoub is in it. http://www.funnyordie.com/articles/14186e2cca/21-tony-shalhoub-facts
- How about the fact that they never seem to reload during gun fights, an automatic weapon will go through all the rounds in it's clip in about 10 seconds but they fire machine gun style for minutes at a time and never reload. Or when a semi automatic pistol has run out of bullets and they don't realize it until they pull the trigger and the gun goes 'click' that's not how those kind of guns work. When your .45 is out of ammo the slide stays open. Another one is firehydrants that magically snap off and water shoots into the air. If you've ever backed into a fire hydrant you'd know they do not move and if you were able to break one off so that water sprayed ointo the air tust me you'd not be driving away.
- I hate it when the bad guys or whoever have to explain plot points like they wouldn't have known all this information before the scene, just so the viewer can get in on it. Two henchmen will be talking about their plans in great explanatory detail as if it's the first time they've discussed it. Movies suck at relaying the plot without having its characters regurgitate it to each other like they want anyone within earshot to hear each and every detail. It is soooo noticeable whenever it happens! And I hate that 555 phone number crap, too! LOL
- What about the university lectures depicted in movies. Never the usual boring subjects but ones from courses on conspiracy theories, serial killers and ancient rituals.
- 555 was used because people were really calling the numbers and 555 numbers are real. They are just information numbers usually.
- nobody poops