1. The Solar Bath
Haha. No the giant, electronic tub you currently have your head stuck in is NOT a camera or a telescope. Can't believe you fell for that. It's clearly a one-stop shop for all your head diseases. It's basically like Sudafed. Or Tylenol Sinus and Cold. But you know, metal and also a death trap. You also must apparently be a KKK member to use it. Thems the facts.
2. Helping the Deaf All While Being a Dick
Wow. What a jerkstore that guy is. "Here's a record that you'll never hear in your life. Go ahead, put these on. All us normals love them. They're called headphones and they let you enjoy life." This is basically like if you invited someone who couldn't feel feelings and were like "let's go have sex on a rollercoasterâ¦for science."
3. Saving Lives With Playground Equipment
Little known fact: There was a brief period in 1934 where all the world's scientists were killed off and replaced by third graders. All of whom reached the conclusion that "CPR was gross" and "See-Saws were neat."
4. Cancer Butter
"I can't believe it's not cancer!" -- Ad Execs of the time, waiting to knock it out of the park.Yes, it is the SAME way that radium attacks cancer. This was pretty much a fool-proof plan, so it's a wee-bit weird we still haven't gotten to the bottom of this Cancer thing.
5. That's Not How Hammocks Work
You know how it's often hard to look back at our society, knowing how far we've come? All the racism, sexism, and general misconceptions about tolerance that unfortunately dominated the mainstream psyche of America of yesteryear is hard to swallow. Add misuse of hammocks to that list. Hammocks are our nation's greatest treasure and this is how we appropriated them. Dark times.