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I got signed up to speed date by the guys at RadioAwesome and I drank like a Somali pirate on holiday.
Published September 30, 2011 More Info »
9 Funny Votes
7 Die Votes
Published September 30, 2011

  Cats plural? Do you smell that?* Are you having some sort of allergic reaction?* I bet you dress as something slutty for Halloween. How many kids? I’ve got some serious road rage.* I’ve never tried to crochet. Did you shit yourself?* God you look like my high school girlfriends mom. Nick Swardson’s gay. Wait, you, own a “Shake Weight”?* Do you have access to a pool or hot tub?* I’ve seen you on Facebook. I live with my dad. Is that a Bloody Mary? I had two of those for breakfast! My friends and I call an unbleached asshole a “shift eight”. Seriously look at a keyboard.* Wait, what the fuck do you do for a living? Slow night tonight. I’ve always wanted to ride in a rickshaw.* Lisa?! I love Lady Gaga! How the fuck could you not like Anderson Cooper?!* I do stand-up comedy.  


* I actually got that girls phone number or, she was Asian, or fat, or I farted and blamed it on someone else, or this is FCC legal to say on the radio…