Some spoilers follow.

We all knew it was coming. The original
Hangover made an unprecedented amount of money for a comedy, and imitators have been springing up ever since. It single-handedly  launched Zach Galifianakis's career and made Bradley Cooper the patriot of douches everywhere. The concept is amazing: drunken detective story. The comedy and the party movie combine with a few clever twists with the perfect actors, and suddenly there's a hit. But how do you top the first Hangover?

Maybe you don't. It's give and take with this sequel. After a movie where three guys wake up with a tiger in the bathroom, the ante has to be raised. And it is, to the point of being disturbing sometimes. Ed Helms ripped out his own tooth and married a stripper in the first movie? Well in this movie he gets a face tattoo and fucks a tranny. Boom, spoiler, baby. Like, take everything that's crazy in The Hangover and amp it up a little and you get The Hangover Part 2. I mean, they're in Thailand though, so everything goes. It's a ridiculous movie and it's pretty fun. But I'm not here to judge every picky little detail or admire the film. I'm here to tell you how it could've been better.

1. Go darker. Yes, even darker.

I'm not going to lie, some fucked up shit went down in
The Hangover Part 2. It's admirable really. But what if instead of giving us a more amped-up party movie the Todd Phillips came back with The Hangover Part 2 and it devolved into a completely maudlin black comedy. What I'm saying is that they should kill a main character in The Hangover 3.

Preferably Justin Bartha.

Instead of being zany and a little soul-searching, it would be funny to see just how much of a dick all of the characters in the movie are. Zach Galifianakis would hump the corpse and then get pissed because it's too hot or he lost his lucky socks. Bradley Cooper would just sit there and bitch about how "Dude's a pussy, can't party hard enough like me". Ed Helms would still spend half the movie crying.

2. Replace Bradley Cooper with Anderson Cooper.


Seriously. This man is sexier than everyone else in this movie put together. Plus I'm just not a fan of Bradley Cooper. He's basically a douche folk hero, except people don't realize that they're douches for liking his characters. Scripted douchery= awesome. Real-life douchery= people who try to act like Bradley Cooper does in The Hangover. If anything like what happened in The Hangover Part 2 happened in real life, Bradley Cooper would get you killed. Anderson Cooper, on the other hand, has actually been in war zones and would save your ass, all the while penetrating your soul with his steel-blue eyes.

Look at this man. He is what Daniel Craig has a stunt double so he can pretend to be.

3. Add a female main character.

Melissa McCarthy is seriously awesome.

Preferably a female main character who is not also a whore (which in the case of the Hangover movies, is probably a literal proposition). Having a chick along permanently in the adventure would be kind of cool, and open the movie up to a bigger audience. Bridesmaids proved that a movie with chicks going crazy (but not really slutty) can be really cool. Plus, I'm still not sold on the whole "Wolf Pack" thing. That's another one of those douchey edges to the Hangover universe. In real life guys who say they're in a wolf pack tend to need to constantly pour several out for the multiple former members of their wolf pack who died from alcohol poisoning.

4. More Ken Jeong.

Someone packed the party.

One of the best things that The Hangover did was include Ken Jeong, and one of the best things The Hangover Part 2 did was have more of him- but it still wasn't enough for me. I want him to have his own movie. I want someone to give him full creative control.