In honor of the upcoming Star Trek movie, here are 5 versions of the USS Enterprise we'd like to see:
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Published: April 24, 2013

The USS Atheist Convention


Imagine the Enterprise, piloted by prattling, lecture-y, undateable people who eat tiny catered sandwiches. Now, they can preach to the converted AND explore the solar system!

The USS Poetry Slam


This brotha ain't afraid of the Cardassian 

Or the Romulans 

Cuz I got a ship, ain't no trip

And our souls will fly into the night

cuz we tight

No Thot Gor steppin to this man

'Cuz I got a plan! 

Peace. Out.

The USS One-Woman Show


Finally, aging actresses past their prime can go where no one has gone before, in terms boredom and uncomfortable self-revelation. Admission is always free on this ship!

USS White Male Authors


Join Philip Roth and the narcissistic holograms of Norman Mailer and John Updike, as they explore the galaxy and write beautiful sentences about the pathos of death, their saggy balls, and fucking 20 year-old grad students.

USS Farting Bulldog


Because no armada is complete without a farting bulldog. It's just common sense!