MY BUCKET LIST:
#1- Beat up Jon Bon Jovi, Barry Manilow, and Rod Stewart at the same time.
#2- Bitch slap Canada for Celine Dion
#3- Be successful at something for once.
#4- Cure Gingeritis and freckles.
#5- Figure out the meaning behind a Tool music video.
#6- Find Jerry Falwell’s grave flick it off and leave a terd bouquet on his head stone, to the tune of me saying “I forgive you."
#7- See a kangaroo get knocked out by a person.
#8- Clear internet and search history
#9- Punch M. Knight Shayamalan in the throat at a podium for being awarded something for anything
#10- Find out how Craig Ferguson’s Late Late Show is still on the air
#11- 2 words panda burger
#12- Drown a shark
#13- Convince Chuck D to become a registered republican
#14- Buy deodorant for Michael Moore (there's no way that guy uses deodorant or bathes daily just look at him)
#15- Find J.G. Wentworth and hit him with a cast iron pipe for evry time I saw one of those commercials.
#16- Finish that novel I've been writing for a decade
#17- Find Larry the Cable Guy's shirt sleeves, turn said shirt sleeves into a noose, and do the world a favor.
#18- Be good enough friends with Adam Sandler that he calls me by my last name and invests in my idiotic idea for a movie.
#19- Piss on R. Kelly
#20- Uppercunt Kathy Griffin for giving the ginger and non-ginger world a reason to continue hating the freckle stricken populus.
#21- Dissolve the common misconception that Dane Cook is funny
#22- Debate what is the best sun screen and SPF with Conan O'Brien
#Last- Finish Bucket List