If you didn't read the title, you should

Full Credits

The tags are there to get your attention, sorry.


#1- Beat up Jon Bon Jovi, Barry Manilow, and Rod Stewart at the same time.

#2- Bitch slap Canada for Celine Dion

#3- Be successful at something for once.

#4- Cure Gingeritis and freckles.

#5- Figure out the meaning behind a Tool music video.

#6- Find Jerry Falwell’s grave flick it off and leave a terd bouquet on his head stone, to the tune of me saying “I forgive you."

#7- See a kangaroo get knocked out by a person.

#8- Clear internet and search history

#9- Punch M. Knight Shayamalan in the throat at a podium for being awarded something for anything

#10- Find out how Craig Ferguson’s Late Late Show is still on the air

#11- 2 words panda burger

#12- Drown a shark

#13- Convince Chuck D to become a registered republican

#14- Buy deodorant for Michael Moore (there's no way that guy uses deodorant or bathes daily just look at him)

#15- Find J.G. Wentworth and hit him with a cast iron pipe for evry time I saw one of those commercials.

#16- Finish that novel I've been writing for a decade

#17- Find Larry the Cable Guy's shirt sleeves, turn said shirt sleeves into a noose, and do the world a favor.

#18- Be good enough friends with Adam Sandler that he calls me by my last name and invests in my idiotic idea for a movie.

#19- Piss on R. Kelly

#20- Uppercunt Kathy Griffin for giving the ginger and non-ginger world a reason to continue hating the freckle stricken populus.

#21- Dissolve the common misconception that Dane Cook is funny

#22- Debate what is the best sun screen and SPF with Conan O'Brien

#Last- Finish Bucket List